I miss the still of the silence

My mind is extremely scattered today. I feel like I have a lot going on and for the first time in my life I am having a lot of trouble putting a lot of my feelings into words. I think the lack of sun for more than a day or two really drags me down. Yesterday Nat told me that there isn't supposed to be any sun until Friday and that sucks. I can handle a day, I mean sometimes I even like a cold gloomy day but anything more than that and I get somewhat bummed out.

I've had a lot of things on my mind lately and things that are important and things that really aren't important. I have a lot of homework to get done. That's something that should be my first priority, but I'm not going to lie it's really not.

After spending some time outside today, I decided that to be able to live in Manitoba for another winter my new favorite things are strong prarie winds and ice pellets. Especially when they are combined. That makes for a really great afternoon. It's mainly just me trying to stay positive. This is something that is a struggle sometimes for me. I try really hard because I don't really have a lot that's shitty in my life and I don't want to be the kind of person to get run down or to complain about things but throughout the winter it always happens, I get down every now and then.

Tomorrow is my last day at Second Cup and I am so so excited about it. It'll be so nice to have every evening and every weekend off. It'll be nice to be away from all of the drama and the negativity that sometimes comes from working there. I just feel like I walk in and there's such a negative energy there and it's no fun to be around and can really drag people down. I am going to miss some of the regulars there though and seeing them every day. I've met some really great people working there, both fellow employees and people that have come in every day and we've gotten to know them. That'll be sad but I'll keep in touch with some of the people.

The day that we move out of this apartment and into the cabin at the lake is coming up pretty quick and I am extremely excited for this. It's going to be great to be there with two of my best friends just hanging out and having a good time. Beach, deck, hiking, i can't wait and I am so so lucky to have the opportunity to do this. To get away from the city for 4 months is going to be great. And I haven't started to freak out or plan for next year so we'll see what that brings when it comes.




I read a lot of blogs. Maybe way way too many blogs, in fact Katie tells me all the time that I should really narrow down my list. I tried the other day but I have become somewhat attached to these families that I don't know.

Anyways, the point of this is there is a family that has many small children and they recently had a baby that was told would not survive. They were encouraged to terminate the pregnancy but they made the choice not to. Then when the due date rolled around they had the baby and he was born perfectly healthy. There was no sign of anything that was wrong with him. It was truly a miracle.

However, in the past couple of days Stellan got sick and it's not looking to good and it makes my heart pretty heavy even though I have no idea who these people are. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child. Anyways, the point of me writing all this is to let you know to send some love their way and if you pray then pray for Stellan and the family. I can't imagine what they are going through but to see the strength that this family has is mind blowing.

this man has my heart

I recently rediscovered my mad love for Xavier Rudd. He will be at folk fest and I"m going to have to miss it. I will lay on the grass every day and listen to it at the lake instead. He is absolutely amazing.

I was sitting today listening to Xavier and making my blanket for Sam and was thinking just about how I don't take the time to enjoy the little things in life. I like to think I do, but I could do a much better job of it. Take a walk instead of bogging my mind down with the need to clean up something. I don't want to be the kind of person that's always worrying about stuff being messy or stuff being out of order. I don't want to be a big slob either though. I'll find a happy medium.

I am eagerly awaiting the days where we will be at the lake. And won't have to worry about all the little minor things. We will be away from the drama and just be wherever we want to be in that moment. Near the beach, hiking, laying on the grass. It's something I can't wait to do. Get out of the city and reconnect with my home. Reconnect with the things that matter and eliminate those that don't. I think it'll be good. I hope it will be good.

I'll write more later. I'm going to work on Sam's blanket and enjoy the last few rays of sunlight before it's gone.

Happy last day of winter!!

Feist - Sea Lion Woman (Live)

Here's to an amazing artist. One I had the pleasure of seeing back in the fall. One of the most amazing concerts I have ever been to.

I have started this post in my head many many times. I just feel worn out, I feel like I have no energy or time to do this. Someone told me recently though that you never find time to do something, you have to make time. And that has really stuck with me. I can't really pinpoint why this stuck with me but it did. I should post though because writing and getting things off my chest makes me feel better. It is a good outlet.

You know how you meet certain people or have certain friends that are really inspirational to you? You get together with them or you talk to them and then once you leave that conversation you feel like it was extremely worthwhile and you feel inspired to change certain things or you even just have an extra motivation or drive to finally do something. There are two people in my life who make me feel like this. And I haven't seen either of them recently. Until a couple of days ago, I had the chance to get together with one of them and it was great as I knew it would be. The other person I haven't seen for a few weeks and I won't be seeing for a few weeks more so that inspiration isn't there. Maybe that's why I haven't blogged. I feel like i have nothing important to write down or that I find myself doing other meaningless things that cause me to have no time. I'm also working on a pretty awesome baby blanket for a friend and I find myself doing a lot of that because I want to get it done so that the baby is still a baby when he gets it.

I also have tons of homework that I should be doing. Hence, the reason why I am writing this while I am at work. Because here I can't do my homework so I can take some time to get this done. But I have a paper that's due today and I swear the minute that that is done, I will write another post. That means two in one day. Woohoo!! I'm not making any promises though.

Things have been low key lately. I went to Brandon two weekends ago and saw Cass. It was really really great to see her and meet Sam! We also made some awesome Easter eggs. Everytime I go over there, we do something crafty, it's great. Then I stayed with Dariane for a few days after and it was really nice to see her. We went and saw the movie Taken. It was excellent.

Okay, I should probably get some work done and I know this was a somewhat scattered and mainly useless post but I will post tonight and maybe even add some pictures :) when I get done my paper. This is just something for you to read in the mean time. And sorry I have sucked at blogging lately

I will be fit

This may turn into a half workout/diet blog but at the same time still serve it's original purpose which is to let family and friends know what's going on in my life.
The reason that it might turn into a workout/diet blog is because i really need to get my ass in gear. Summer is coming and I'm going to be at the lake which means that I'm going to have to be in a bathing suit. That and I just feel better when I'm working out, when I'm doing things.
Dariane got me some weights for christmas and I have been using them off and on contrary to what she believes but I'm going to start lifting them every other day. Hopefully this helps out. On those days I am also going to start doing an hour of yoga and an ab routine. On the opposite days I want to start running I think. I'll have to start with a walk/run routine but I really do enjoy it when I do it so that might be what I do. It will also get me out of the house and outside. Now I just have to figure out where I want to run.
I'm not going to tell you all how much I weigh only that it's too much and I'm going to write it down and keep track of pounds per week that I lose. Maybe I'll even let you know about those.
I also have to start eating better and that shouldn't be too difficult for me. I just have to make a conscious effort and stop going for nachos and drinks a few times a week.
This is it guys...March 3rd, 2010...one year from now I want to weigh 128 pounds and I could do this, i really could I just have to stick to it. OK..ill write more later this just all dawned on me and I had to share it.