forget the horror here.

I wish that I could spend a summer...or even just a month with my dad.

We definitely haven't gotten along for the majority of my life, and I don't know so much if it's that we haven't gotten along but he hasn't been around. I have very very few memories of him from when I was younger. I've done my best to shut him out, not going to lie, but he pushes and pushes and for this I am thankful.

I spend maybe one weekend with him a year. We don't have a father daughter relationship but I wouldn't say that we have a friendship either. It's hard to explain what we have to anyone.

I'm totally his daughter in every way. I see it in myself every day. There are so many of his traits that I have. Him and I talked about this last summer when we were getting ready to head out to my uncles. We talked about how much the last few years has changed both of us and how we were both ready to put some of the stuff that's gone on behind us.

I still don't see him very often and it's something that I don't think will ever change. It's too late for that to change.

Regardless of things I've done or said to him or about him in the past I have no fear that he will always be there for me no matter what and that's something that I take for granted way too often. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time for me to realize it.