stuff.

i'm trying really hard to get back into this.

i don't know why i'm struggling so much with suddenly wanting to share my private feelings.

this weekend we drove out to regina to see D. it was awesome to see her and see what she's been doing, where she's living and stuff. at least now when she calls or i think about her, i can actually picture where she is.

the other day something happened and i started thinking about when i was 19/20. how i thought that was it, that i knew who i was and wasn't going to change. so much has changed since then. i was in a relationship that i thought was amazing at the time. now that i look back there was so much wrong. i thought i knew what i wanted in life, that's completely changed. everything's changed. my relationships with people, my friendships, my living situation, my opinions on different things.

D graduates in july. last night i was talking to my dad and he asked when she graduated. i told him and he said that he wanted to go and i thought to myself. "you don't agree with her being a cop, you smoke weed more than likely daily, do i really have to remind you that's illegal and you can't be high when you go to her ceremony" it's refreshing that he wants to be involved. it's something i didn't think that would ever happen. but it's also something that i'm not sure i want to happen. sometimes i would like to run away from my entire family except for D. she's the only one that has never fucked me around.

I would like to have these two puppies. I miss max, the little dog at home just isn't cutting it anymore. I'm much better suited to big cuddly awesome dogs. Dariane please finish depot as fast as you can so you can buy a house and I can come visit and play with your dogs. Thanks, that would be greatly appreciated.

I also want this clock. I just like the idea.

yesterday i thought it was friday. in fact, there was a bit of a storm and the roads were shitty and I knew that d and curtis would be driving to brandon to see each other. first i called d and left a voicemail because she didn't answer to call me when she got to brandon because i wanted to make sure she was safe. then i called curtis and said the same thing. then i texted mom and asked if they actually decided to drive in the storm. mom reminded me it was thursday. it was an unnecessary worry.

Green or Blue - (still untitled) from Green or Blue on Vimeo.

I'm really unsure if anyone reads this anymore. It's become sort of like my own personal journal where I write stuff down just so I remember it. I guess that's what a blog is anyhow. I think that I'm going to try and start doing it regularly again. Especially if Dariane has time to read it. That's why I was doing it while I was away. When i don't get to talk to her regularly on the phone I want her to know what's going on.

I purchased this the other day. I'm very excited to get it and frame it and find the perfect spot for it.

I have one decision to make at the moment. I mean there's other ones I should think about but I'm choosing not to. One little decision...and that is this. I went and looked at this house a couple weeks ago. There's a room, it's a fair size room and the rent is the same as what I am paying right now. The only thing is, everything else is extra. Food's extra, hydro's extra, tv, internet...everything is extra so my rent would probably wind up being about 350$ after I included everything else. This is still really cheap and definitely in my price range. If i was living with anyone else it wouldn't be a problem. I don't know how my aunt and uncle would feel and I would hate to ever put them in a bad position. So, i'm stuck, i don't have a clue what to do. the house was really nice. I essentially also have the entire basement except for one other room and I could do whatever I wanted with it. I told her girl if she hadn't found someone by the first of april I would probably take it. So, i guess if she does find someone it just wasn't meant to be.

I found out recently that I needed 6 more credit hours of humanities to graduate with my BA. I'm a little bit annoyed. Also, I just don't care anymore about school. I know this isn't the best attitude but I'm just tired of it right now.

i met this guy tonight.
and i have the most giddy crush on him.
it's been a very very long time since i've felt like this and it feels fantastic.