stuff.

i'm trying really hard to get back into this.

i don't know why i'm struggling so much with suddenly wanting to share my private feelings.

this weekend we drove out to regina to see D. it was awesome to see her and see what she's been doing, where she's living and stuff. at least now when she calls or i think about her, i can actually picture where she is.

the other day something happened and i started thinking about when i was 19/20. how i thought that was it, that i knew who i was and wasn't going to change. so much has changed since then. i was in a relationship that i thought was amazing at the time. now that i look back there was so much wrong. i thought i knew what i wanted in life, that's completely changed. everything's changed. my relationships with people, my friendships, my living situation, my opinions on different things.

D graduates in july. last night i was talking to my dad and he asked when she graduated. i told him and he said that he wanted to go and i thought to myself. "you don't agree with her being a cop, you smoke weed more than likely daily, do i really have to remind you that's illegal and you can't be high when you go to her ceremony" it's refreshing that he wants to be involved. it's something i didn't think that would ever happen. but it's also something that i'm not sure i want to happen. sometimes i would like to run away from my entire family except for D. she's the only one that has never fucked me around.