My father called me yesterday. The father that didn't call for a few months because I told him I no longer wanted any sort of relationship after the way that he's hurt my sister and I and then when he finally did call I told him I'd give him another chance but then proceeded to not call for another 2 months. And then when we saw him at christmas he gave some sorry ass excuse about how busy he's been and tried everything he could think of to make us feel sorry for him rather than just saying sorry and taking some responsibility. And then after christmas didn't call for another month and half.
So ya, he called. And acted like nothing has ever happened. I don't understand how someone can do that. How someone can just forget the fact that their children, regardless of whether or not you contributed at all to raising these children, told them that they wanted no relationship and pretend everything is all okay. I don't understand and it really makes me angry and this helped to put this down on here. Please don't think that it wasn't incredibly hard to tell him i never wanted to talk to him again cause it was. it was just necessary after not being there for us for the last 20 years.
I can only stand to be hurt so many times before I want to cut off a relationship with that person. And also watching him hurt someone else I love is pretty much just as bad as hurting me. It's a really frustrating situation and something that eats away at me on a daily basis.
Onwards. Recently, since Ash has been insanely busy, and apparently she's the person that lives insanely close to me who I can to about anything I've had lots of time to think about things and when I have lots of time to think but can't discuss and get the necessary feedback I've been going slightly mad with my own thoughts. You know how that can happen sometimes? I had a slight break when I went for drinks with Steph which I was so thankful for because I needed to talk. Just needed to let all my thoughts flow freely and not have them in my head. I can't discuss these thoughts on here I just wanted to get that out. If you know me well you know these thoughts all ready.
Steph and I want to take a teaching english as a second language course and then go spend the entire next year in mexico. You have no idea how much this appeals to me. To experience another culture, to learn another language, to lie on the beach, to not have to wear a winter jacket. Oh I love all those ideas so much more than one can imagine. The class costs 1100$ though. So thats kind of where my problem lies...I really want to come up with this money though because I want to take that class and do this in the worst possible way and where there is a will there is definitely a way.
Okay, it was nice to get my thoughts down somewhere other than my head.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Swagger Like Us!
After a long talk with someone yesterday about essentially everything that is going on in my life and his and how we want things to change and what we could do to make it that way, I've come to realize many many things. Today, I did make a positive step forward, maybe even two. And I felt great doing it. However, life doesn't always need to be about planning, about talking, brainstorming, coming up with ideas...which is something that I seem to always do a lot of. I know that's just the way that I am, always wheels turning and that's not going to change but it'd be nice to stop and smell the roses every now and then.
Today, the roads are a skating rink I have been led to believe. Haven't been outside yet but from what I gather through news and facebook everything's closed and my cousins spent the morning skating on their street. When I started thinking about how much that really sucks for some people, I got to thinking about how cool it is. How great it is that people can't go anywhere really and are forced to spend the day at home with their families or just by themselves catching up on the things that pile up. Like me and the school work that I"m catching up on...only that's not going so well. Procrastination is key in my life.
1 day later...
Today when I was walking to school the thoughts going through my mind were "I'm going to walk on this side of the road because I know the ice better on this side" , then I got scared because who thinks those kind of things...crazy people I tell ya, absolutely crazy people. Then I started thinking and wondering why I'm analyzing my own thoughts. Anyways, the whole point of that was yes, I knew the ice better on one side of the street, I knew where the bad spots were and where it wasn't so icy and I hadn't walked on the other side at all. I didn't know what that ice was like.
Okay, onwards...although one other thing on the ice, I watched a video on the free press site of someone skating on the highway. It made my day, it was absolutely halarious and I wish I would have done it. Unfortunately there is no way for me to get out of the city...nor do I have skates
That's it for my ice talk. What can I say? It's a big deal when people are sliding around everywhere!
I wish I had some pictures to put on here. I think I need to make much better use of my camera and start taking photos all the time.
Katie and I are not eating meat for a couple of weeks and it's harder than I thought to come up with ideas of what to make for supper. Today we had meatless chicken nugget wraps...they were pretty good I thought. Just tasted like they normally do. We'll see if we last two weeks. I often eat meat without even thinking about it, but I will do my best. I'll update my progress for you as it happens. This is day 1 I think, maybe day 2. I don't know.
I'm not sure what I want to do next year and how to go about it. I want to travel but maybe I should finish school first. I have dreams of going to millions of places. I want to be a nurse so that would be several more years of school. So do I get the degree that I'm one year away from finishing or do I go ahead and commit to 3 more years. Do I settle and get a good paying job and maybe love what I do and then if I really want to change it up and be a nurse I could always go to school in the future. Ahh!!! There's just so so many things that could happen. And I feel like my life is flashing before me but it's not. I'm only 21 and I only have 1 year maybe a year and a half left so what am I freaking out about. I have no idea!!! I could stay here for the summer and take summer classes. That's not a bad idea, then I could get school done and over with, maybe i can take a break in the january semester and travel a bit. Hmm..I"ve never thought of that idea. That would be something that would really appeal to me. See what I mean my wheels are always turning. I am constantly thinking about new things to do, new ideas, new plans, but you know I just don't know. They're just plans. I got to put some of these things into action..it feels like it's impossible to do.
Okay, I got to do some school work.
Dariane, I promise I will update more just keep hassling me!
Today, the roads are a skating rink I have been led to believe. Haven't been outside yet but from what I gather through news and facebook everything's closed and my cousins spent the morning skating on their street. When I started thinking about how much that really sucks for some people, I got to thinking about how cool it is. How great it is that people can't go anywhere really and are forced to spend the day at home with their families or just by themselves catching up on the things that pile up. Like me and the school work that I"m catching up on...only that's not going so well. Procrastination is key in my life.
1 day later...
Today when I was walking to school the thoughts going through my mind were "I'm going to walk on this side of the road because I know the ice better on this side" , then I got scared because who thinks those kind of things...crazy people I tell ya, absolutely crazy people. Then I started thinking and wondering why I'm analyzing my own thoughts. Anyways, the whole point of that was yes, I knew the ice better on one side of the street, I knew where the bad spots were and where it wasn't so icy and I hadn't walked on the other side at all. I didn't know what that ice was like.
Okay, onwards...although one other thing on the ice, I watched a video on the free press site of someone skating on the highway. It made my day, it was absolutely halarious and I wish I would have done it. Unfortunately there is no way for me to get out of the city...nor do I have skates
That's it for my ice talk. What can I say? It's a big deal when people are sliding around everywhere!
I wish I had some pictures to put on here. I think I need to make much better use of my camera and start taking photos all the time.
Katie and I are not eating meat for a couple of weeks and it's harder than I thought to come up with ideas of what to make for supper. Today we had meatless chicken nugget wraps...they were pretty good I thought. Just tasted like they normally do. We'll see if we last two weeks. I often eat meat without even thinking about it, but I will do my best. I'll update my progress for you as it happens. This is day 1 I think, maybe day 2. I don't know.
I'm not sure what I want to do next year and how to go about it. I want to travel but maybe I should finish school first. I have dreams of going to millions of places. I want to be a nurse so that would be several more years of school. So do I get the degree that I'm one year away from finishing or do I go ahead and commit to 3 more years. Do I settle and get a good paying job and maybe love what I do and then if I really want to change it up and be a nurse I could always go to school in the future. Ahh!!! There's just so so many things that could happen. And I feel like my life is flashing before me but it's not. I'm only 21 and I only have 1 year maybe a year and a half left so what am I freaking out about. I have no idea!!! I could stay here for the summer and take summer classes. That's not a bad idea, then I could get school done and over with, maybe i can take a break in the january semester and travel a bit. Hmm..I"ve never thought of that idea. That would be something that would really appeal to me. See what I mean my wheels are always turning. I am constantly thinking about new things to do, new ideas, new plans, but you know I just don't know. They're just plans. I got to put some of these things into action..it feels like it's impossible to do.
Okay, I got to do some school work.
Dariane, I promise I will update more just keep hassling me!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Jeff Buckley-Hallelujah
I promise I'll stop posting videos soon. Only this is absolutely beautiful so I couldn't help but share. So amazing.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
untouched
These blogs always get written when I have something else that I should be doing. And 99% of the time that something else is homework. It's because I have my computer in front of me and open and then I get sidetracked and facebook can only distract me for so long before I get bored and move on to this. This being blogging. And when I set out to write a blog I never have a plan on what I am going to write and I just start writing and type out pretty much whatever is on my mind. Which generally seems to work out and it usually results in a pretty long blog.
Last night was a good night. Robin came over at 6 and we went to Soul Survivors where I may or may not have gotten a piercing. and robin had a chat with the piercer about things she wants to get done. After that we went to my place and got ready quickly and then went to Earls for a delicious dinner and some drinks and then after we went to Alive where Kate was waiting to dance her little heart out!! and Rebecca was even there. Her and I tend to never expect to see each other at these places but then we do. It's pretty awesome. Anyways, after the bar which was at about midnight Robin and I scooted on home. I think I might be getting old...going home at 12..there were still people coming in then. Haha, i didn't mind cause now I won't be tired and hungover all day.
We watched the Superbowl yesterday. For me it was the first time that I have ever watched the whole game and it was good. It's amazing how you actually get into it and then when they are close you really get excited. Although I wanted to change who I was cheering with half way through the game because they were losing..and I hate cheering for the team that is losing because then once the game is over you are just bummed out. Plus it didn't really matter to me anyways who won or lost because I hadn't followed any of the season.
Here's a few pictures from life in the last little while.
Last night was a good night. Robin came over at 6 and we went to Soul Survivors where I may or may not have gotten a piercing. and robin had a chat with the piercer about things she wants to get done. After that we went to my place and got ready quickly and then went to Earls for a delicious dinner and some drinks and then after we went to Alive where Kate was waiting to dance her little heart out!! and Rebecca was even there. Her and I tend to never expect to see each other at these places but then we do. It's pretty awesome. Anyways, after the bar which was at about midnight Robin and I scooted on home. I think I might be getting old...going home at 12..there were still people coming in then. Haha, i didn't mind cause now I won't be tired and hungover all day.
We watched the Superbowl yesterday. For me it was the first time that I have ever watched the whole game and it was good. It's amazing how you actually get into it and then when they are close you really get excited. Although I wanted to change who I was cheering with half way through the game because they were losing..and I hate cheering for the team that is losing because then once the game is over you are just bummed out. Plus it didn't really matter to me anyways who won or lost because I hadn't followed any of the season.
Here's a few pictures from life in the last little while.
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