Control Yourself, take only what you need from it.

I feel detached, and distant, and unsure and so many different strange emotions that I haven't felt in a really long time. Last week everything was perfect and everything was going in a really good direction, but then suddenly I feel like everything has changed, things are still going in a good direction but with a mix of a little strange negativity in there, strange feelings.

I had dinner with Stephanie last night and it was really good. We went for sushi and it was nice to see her, it had been a long time, a really long time. She's a pretty damn great person. You know when you have those friends that you know will be there for your whole life? That's what she is like. I know that no matter what is going on or how far apart we are, I will always be able to call and find out what's going on with her. The kind of friend where you can just pick right back up where you left off is a pretty solid friendship.

I don't think that I am going to elaborate and go into why I am feeling so different. It's a strange feeling and I have talked to someone about it. Sometimes there are things that you want to put on your blog but you know that you shouldn't maybe be quite so open about all of it. That's the case here. So I'm done.

I have a strong desire to go shopping...for things that I don't really know.


I want this painting, I think it's beautiful. I love how bright the birds are. Well I really like birds, I want some flying out of the tree that I have on my back. Maybe I will get them when I have kids. That'd be kind of neat.


I also want this dress. I think that the back of it is beautiful. And I want to be as classy as the girl with her long cigarette thing. Anyone know what those things are called?? I might take up smoking if I could use one of those.


This thing really really freaks me out. I don't know why, but I do know that I wouldn't want this thing on me, or anywhere near me for that matter.

I was once this graceful..

This is phenomenal and I watch it daily and then go on to pretend that I'm this amazing at dancing. There's a long introduction, the dance starts at 2:37

Dream Weaver

Hey Hey Everyone
I don't really know where to start with this today. I don't have anything particular I want to write about. Or nothing particular to say. I am going to try my hardest not to ramble. However, through a series of emails that I have written the past few days I have noticed that is what I am best at. Rambling. Because I do it so much when I am talking I guess that's just how I think. See rambling again.

Life's been pretty solid lately. I went for sushi with a good friend the other night, i had been craving both her company and some good sushi so that was a really really good night. Besides the fact that after dinner we went and studied. That sucked. Not craving her company in a weird way. It had just been awhile and I hadn't talked to her in quite some time. And by that I mean like 3 days. A lot can happen in that time though!

There's people talking in the waiting room about being scientologists...strange and slightly creepy. All I can think about when I hear about scientology is tom cruise. Isn't that kind of screwed up that the only thing you think of when you hear about a religion is a particular "actor"...screwy.

Dariane wants to do a community safety video when she is out for the weekend. Hmm...that should be interesting. I do a nervous eyebrow twitch when I am filmed. I do it every time and it drives me crazy when I am watching it back. Oh well...it'll be stellar. We can do "how to avoid drunk people late at night" There's enough crazies and alcoholics wandering around Osborne, especially now that it's warming up that I am sure that we would get a really great video. Or she can think of something else exciting to do. I don't have the first clue when it comes to community safety.

The blanket that I am making for Sam is coming along good! Maybe I'll take a photo in the next few days to show Cassie how far I am! It's going to be a nice warm one I think. Which is great because warm blankets are the best sort of blankets. Also blankets that you put on the beach and lie on and absorb the vitamin D and fantastic UV rays. Those are just as good as other warm blankets.

!!!

I emailed a friend of mine from Australia. She has September and October off from school and she's only going to be working part time. This definitely contributes to my plan. Something that really contributes to my plan is not wanting to be here for winter. And having her to show me around for the first little while would be so awesome. And she told her boyfriend that I'm coming and he is really excited to meet me. And I could really go on and on about how much I want to go and why I want to go. Dariane...how about instead of moving to another city in Canada, you move to Australia for awhile with me?? I think it's a really great plan! I am pretty confident that I am going to do this. I just need to save up until I have about 5000 dollars and then I am totally set.



Really, how could this not entice you to want to come along?? Anyone, anyone. It'll be a really really fun time. Now just comes the hard part of saving enough money.



On to other news, I don't have a tea this morning and I miss it. But I didn't have any time and I felt like vomiting this morning so I wasn't game to make any.
I took some pepto bismol and ate some toast and then all was better.
Hmm..what else is new. Last night I witnessed an act of immaturity that was pretty halarious. And intense. Those who know me know what happened, I can't go into it here which means I don't even really know why I am writing about it anyways but I am cause I told my boss today and she had a really really good laugh.

Putting those pictures of Perth up, prompted me to put some photos up of Clear Lake. Where I am anxiously awaiting to be.



I've hiked this once and it was amazing. I would really really like to do it again. Only finish it, because we didn't go the whole way last time. It's beautiful and breathtaking and something that I would love to see again. That part of the park isn't enjoyed as much as I think it should be. There's an unreal statistic about the amount of people that actually leave the townsite when they go, something like only 2 or 8% of the people that go through the park gates and into the townsite will leave and see other parts of the park.


Photo is taken by Kelsey Conner

This photo is one of the pier, looking back towards the beach. To the right of this is where our cabin will be :) Up in a bunch of trees with a bunch of other tiny non water cabins. But it will be home, just like it has been in the past. I can't wait, I haven't been this excited for something in a while. Last night, Katie, Ashley and I went out for a drink and it was just so great to hang out with both of them and I was reassured that everything will be great in the summer.



This last shot is one of the lake and the pier. This really will be amazing and great and refreshing and cool and I feel like extremely beneficial for me. For my mind, for my body, for my soul..haha, I don't ever talk like that but you know what I mean. I need time away, I need to figure out a bit more who I am, cause I don't have a freakin clue about that. I know that I don't need to know at this point and I also don't want to know at this point who I am because I love growing and I learning and changing but I do want to have a bit better of an idea.

After looking through these photos it looks like my 2009 is going to shape up to be pretty damn amazing. And I'm going to have some serious good views no matter where I do.

PS. Dariane please come with to Perth.

I'll love you till the end

I wish that I could write something profound. My blogs seem to be rambly to be. I feel like I might be repeating myself over and over again.

Hold on, I need to get some water...okay back. And there was a little bit of tea left in my mug so now it tastes like orange mango flavored water...only with very little orange mango. Delicious.

Right, okay, back to profound.

But I find it hard to write about anything that's got a lot of meaning in life or something that's bothering me because I've been so happy lately. And I feel like if I bring those issues up then I might get dragged down with the thoughts.

There aren't a lot of things that get to me lately. Something that's always an underlying problem in my life is my father. He is someone that still has this incredible ability to cause me great stress whether he is involved in my life or if he isn't. This is also something where I feel like I have no one to talk to. I have a few friends who I tell everything to, I know that I am an open book and I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. But this is something I don't talk about and it's something that's constantly been on my mind. I have only seen him at a family get together at christmas very briefly and I have no talked to him since the summer sometime. Things have been strained for a long time. I am also 100% willing to say that this is both of our faults. I am stubborn and no longer able to handle the excessive amount of excuses that spew out of his mouth and he isn't willing to try anymore I don't think. What does it take before a parent gives up on a relationship with their child? Apparently, not much with some people. I don't really want to go into details on here, i just wanted to get it off my chest. This is something that's really hard for me and something that I think about almost every day. I don't know what to do, or what is right and I don't really know if I ever will.

My family is one that I love to death. I never grew up with my brother so that's a bit different, even though I do value the time I get to spend with him and I do love him, it's just not as close of a bond as I have with my mom and my sister because we were the three musketeers my whole life.




I realize this isn't profound or great by any means but something different than my boring life to write about. Plus there's some photos :)