Flashing Lights

It is starting to feel strange sitting in front of this computer and trying to put my thoughts into words. My journal is quickly becoming filled because I can go down to the lake and sit and just write for hours. This stuff in my journal is a lot more personal and I’ve been feeling rather insightful lately. Both insightful and lonely as both of my room mates haven’t been around, so I have been doing my best to fill my time with things other than sitting in the cabin. I know that I am pretty much an open book when it comes to my thoughts and my feelings but believe it or not there’s things that I hide.

Life is going along just as I like. I was able to go into Winnipeg for the weekend last weekend and see a bunch of people. It was nice to be there, felt familiar and felt like home. But then coming back to the lake also feels like home. I texted Ash as I was on the bus going to Winnipeg that it was really strange to feel like home is two different places. I guess maybe it’s always like that for some people because the house they grew up in would be home and then wherever they live. I don’t have the house that I lived in as a child anymore. Granted, we did live in 8 different houses so which one would I really consider my “childhood home”.

All of my dreams last night were horrible. I was crying in every single one. And I woke up a lot throughout the night and couldn’t sleep very well. And my eyes were always wet when I woke up. I don’t really remember all of them. In one of them I was humiliated beyond anything I could ever imagine but I don’t remember by who or what they did to me but I was crying and in another one my mom told me she never wanted to speak to me for the rest of my life.

I bought some of this yj juice from a girl I work with. It’s a vitamin supplement of sorts. Seeing as I have been throwing up everytime I take my vitamins in pill form I am hoping that this will stay down and do some damn beneficial stuff for my body. It comes from BC which is pretty awesome because it’s Canadian and it doesn’t taste too bad either. It’s also said to speed up your metabolism. I sure hope that’s true. The one day that I did take it I did notice an increase in energy. When I got home from work I went on a 12 km bike ride right away. I didn’t need to have my usual afternoon nap. We will see if it makes a difference in the long run or if it was all in my head.

I don’t know how often I will blog in the summer. It just seems that sitting here and writing these is taking a little more thought that I am willing to put forth right now. I mean I know that these are pretty pointless and all but I don’t like sitting here and having to write this all out. I want to be outside enjoying the air and not feeling like writing these little entries. I think I will just slow it down. Write when I feel like it and post when I have something to post. I hope you will still read and that when I am back to my real life in September you will continue reading because I do really love blogging and I will most definitely continue, and I will post this summer for sure. It just won’t be as often as I may have led you to believe. I have just realized that now that it is getting to be nicer outside I have spent a lot less time inside and a lot more time outside biking, walking, being by the lake, working.