when you think nothing could be further from the truth

I need a slight slight rant. Just a short little one because I'm annoyed. Completely annoyed. I need a good man in my life at some point soon to keep me sane because I keep meeting these wack jobs. And I haven't met any one here yet so don't get that idea.

It's just there's this person that I met at work when I lived in Winnipeg and we were friends. Good friends I would say. Sort of. Now when I look back on it, the whole friendship was kind of shady. He would ask tons about me and because I'm a huge blabber mouth I would do what I did best...talk about myself. Which is totally lame I know. Anyways, he never told me anything about himself really even when I asked and trust me I asked a lot of questions and it was always sort of shady responses dodging the questions and stuff. So...I leave for Australia and I think I sent him an email at the beginning of my trip asking how he was and so on...and I hear nothing. Nothing at all for a long time...about 3 months long. Then I get a message saying a brief "hey how are you, one more sentence" kind of thing. Which is the kind of email I hate. So I respond letting him know how the trip is and stuff, and asking him about how he's going and where he's at and a lot of questions. Then cue in two months later I get another "hey how are you one more sentence" kind of email. WTF?! Who does that and think's that is a friendship. It's messed up. And at one point in the summer he decided that it was okay to tell me that I was unable to "emotionally commit" to things in life. At that very point I kind of decided to ease off the friendship because he obviously didn't really know who I am.

I wish I could get started on the other asshole from home only I don't even know where to begin with that one so I'm not. Even though I need that rant so badly..it'll come soon enough.

I feel a tad bit better now. Oh wait, well I'm on the ranting spree. You have no idea how many times in the bar I get told to smile. ALL THE TIME. It's so frustrating because I'm working and you're an asshole, do you really expect me to be smiling all the time. It's just not going to happen. Especially when you're wasted and can't even tell me what drink you want without slurring every single word. It's stupid.

Okay done.

You're like Gold to Me

It's been quite some time since I have had the evening off and been able to unwind. Sometimes I am able to blog during the day but I find that most of my thinking happens when I'm getting ready to go to bed and just relaxing. Most of my blog worthy thinking anyways.

We leave here in just over a week and I am so excited to be leaving. It's been an experience. A good one...I've met so many awesome people. But also definitely a learning experience. I learnt a ton about myself but man it'll be good to go. When I was talking to a friend the other day from home she said the only reason that I'm stressed and don't like it here at the moment is because it's becoming real life. Which is true and scary because what's going to happen when I get home and have to get back to normal life and have a job and to not be seeing new things every day. I hope I don't dislike where I am then.

This is frustrating. I feel like I have so much to say and so much to write but I don't know where to start. And I'm so hooked on the vampire diaries that I don't want to do anything but watch it. And I feel like I am repeating and repeating myself every time I blog even though I don't think that I've been doing too bad lately. It's just that normally I can write a blog about anything and just ramble...and I can write it and bang it off so quickly. It's just a struggle lately.

I was able to talk to two of my close friends the other day and it was amazing. It's going to be so good to be back and see everyone again. I'm definitely thankful that while I have been away it's been possible for me to still keep in touch with people from home.

Okay...I am giving up on this. I'm sorry so sorry but I am so addicted to this show and it's midnight and I have to wake up in 7 hours and I have the longest night ever tomorrow. So..I'm leaving you with this. And I will post something again in the near future.

i wish life was simple again

Bits and Bites.

So here's some random bits floating around in my head.

Today at work it was pretty busy, not too bad but busy enough. I started work at 8 in the morning and then worked until 11 in housekeeping. Then I had an hour break and then went and started in the bar at 12. I wound up not being able to take a dinner break so I had to order food. (this was just also a good excuse not to eat the crap for staff) Anyways, when Nick (manager) saw the bill he asked Hannah why I was getting food in which she responded with "well she didn't take dinner" and he quickly responded that he forgot Oh no!! No big deal he made some comment on my dedication. But maybe he could have said thank you to me. That would have been awesome to see a little appreciation. Whatever at least I know he knows I'm awesome and dedicated. That's sweet.

I've been having insane dreams. I should really write them down so I always remember but in one of them I was performing with destiny's child, it was awesome and I was good. But then after when I asked Amanda how it sounded she said it sounded like crap. That sucked. That same night I had a dream that there was a massive spider in my head. I flipped all my covers down and stomped all over them though. I remember being half awake and doing that. Then in my dream Hannah said that her and Marshy were going to collect them all and put them in plastic bags. (the spiders that is) Strange strange dreams.

We booked our flights from Perth to Cairns!!! I'm so so excited to be on the east coast. Only shitty thing is that our flight gets there at 4:15 AM. Umm...what are we going to do at four in the morning?! Stay in a hotel!!! Yes please. I can't wait, I'm so excited to stay in a hotel for a couple nights after we leave here. I also can't wait to be back on amazing beaches and enjoying the coast again. I got a killer sunburn yesterday though, that wasn't cool at all.

I want to get a tattoo of a birdcage. Potentially while I am here. This is really just a random thought right now but the more I look at them the more I like them. We'll see.

My heart on the line

So, I'm unbelievably excited that there's an internet connection in my room and that when I blog I can just post it immediately instead of saving it and putting it up the next time I have time to go on to the internet cafe and post it because now it's not ridiculously late. And you know how I love a good blog post.

I'm sorry about the lame post from yesterday. I just had a long day and was stressed out and really I suppose it is my blog so I can write about just about anything and you guys will just deal with it...that or stop reading.

Here is the video I was talking about last night. I hope this works to post. Can someone let me know if you can watch it on here.



Here is another video to check out. This is the first song that I heard and absolutely love and play everytime I am in the bar.


Last night I was able to figure out how to get on facebook and hotmail even though it's blocked. The only downfall is it's kind of slow well really incredibly slow actually.

We only have 20 more work days left and I know this is going to go by so fast. I can't wait until we are done here and it's coming up so quickly. It's going to be awesome to be travelling again and then it's only a couple months until I get home. I can't wait to go through the arrivals gate at the airport. It's going to be amazing.

My Whole Heart

You know when you need a good cry? Like a really good one...like you just think that it's impossible to feel better again until you let it all out. That's the way I feel at this moment. I try and peg my emotions on the fact that it's nearing the lovely time of the month and that might be but this feels just so real. And I hate it. It's so overwhelming and so exhausting...and I don't want to feel like this I just don't know how to shake it. And I know that in a couple days or even possibly by tomorrow everything will be fine again it's just that right now it's dragging me down. I texted a friend of mine today and said "I know that I'm in Australia and that everything is supposed to be awesome and all but this sucks at the moment and I need someone to be able to talk to." And man do I ever feel like that. I'm on a freaken amazing trip right now and I hate it. I want to be home around people that I love. I know as soon as we are travelling again it'll be fine and I'll be happy to be here again but right now I feel like I'd rather be in Canada in the minus whatever degrees than be here.

Okay I'm done throwing myself a pity party. I just needed to get that off my chest because it's just how it goes at the moment. I think that, well at the moment I am getting a signal from my room because we have changed rooms. So as long as I keep on getting this signal you can count on many more blog posts. Which is awesome because this is like the best therapy I could get. Even after writing all that down, even though it's depressing, I feel a lot better. Well I still feel like having a cry but not quite as bad.

Please go to youtube (if it wasn't blocked I would totally have put it on here) and listen to this song. It's called White Blank Page by Mumford and Sons and I'm in love. Really with anything and everything by this band. They continue to blow my mind.

Can you lie next to her and give her your heart, your heart?
As well as your body, and can you lie next to her and confess your love, your love?
As well as your folly and can you kneel before the king and say ‘I’m clean’, ‘I’m Clean’?
But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?
But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart?
Her white blank page & a swelling rage, rage
You did not think when you sent me to the brink, the brink
You desired my attention but denied my affections, affections
But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart.
But tell me now where was my fault, in loving you with my whole heart
Lead my to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life
Lead my to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life

I can't wait to see everyones beautiful face and hear their sweet sweet laughter. I miss home.

It's not your fault but mine

You know when you have a million things in your head that you want to write down but you have no idea where to start. So you turn on some music and open a blank page in hopes that it will all just sort of come spilling out without you having to really think about it, without thinking about what to write about. It’s tough and I don’t want to be repetitive which I feel sometimes I am being.

It’s been tough here lately. Tough but good. There’s a girl that’s just drunk all the time..and it’s certainly one of the toughest things I’ve ever had to deal with. Not only working with someone who is drunk but watching someone destroy this part of their life. I feel like I’ve been drinking too much lately. I haven’t been getting drunk or anything but I certainly am not the kind of person who needs to be drinking everyday. So tonight I got off work at 7 and had some dinner and now I’m just lying in bed watching I am Sam, blogging and just relaxing. It’s nice. I like to have cozy nights in every now and then. I did go outside for a bit to watch the sunset which was absolutely beautiful. The entire sky was an amazing shade of pink and purple. It was breathtaking. Not too often that I get to watch sunsets like that that’s for sure.

I got a package from my mom just the other day in the mail. She sent me puff wheat cake which is my absolute favorite. It was so nice to get something from home. Especially something delicious to eat. There’s definitely good days and bad days when it comes to missing home. I talk to Dariane a lot and Katie every couple of weeks. Talking to people from home makes it easier. Amanda made me an awesome video for my birthday and I watch it all the time. It’s so cool to see stuff from home, you don’t realize how much you miss everything until you are away. Even just seeing the pub you always go to at home.

Sorry this is short, I’ll try and put something else up with a little more substance soon. I just wanted to post because it had been awhile. I’m going to try and post something on the travel blog in the near future so look out for that too. I miss you all so much.

The power that a person has to either make things really good for themselves or really shitty amazes me. I don’t know if everyone is like this or if it’s just something I do to myself but the last couple of days I was having a hard time. Harder than it’s been during any of my time here. I wanted to not talk to anyone and I wanted to just be by myself. I don’t know exactly what started it but I think it was on New Years Eve. There was a couple girls who got absolutely plastered while they were working and just drove me absolutely crazy. It was already busy enough having a couple people behind the bar hammered didn’t really help. We worked our asses off that night and they just wandered around trying to serve one person, which took them a good 10 minutes. One of the girls apologized to everyone yesterday but one of them is just a massive trainwreck. She’s just always drunk and it really is quite frustrating working with her. Might I add that she’s my supervisor when I work in the restaurant which is awful because I can’t take her seriously at all. I guess I do know what triggered my annoyance and lack of desire to see anyone around here.

Anyways I don’t know exactly what ended it either but I realized after a couple days that I just got to suck it up. We have a month left here and then it will all go back to normal. Hannah told me the other day that she needed a Hannah and mandy day and it made me feel a bit better because we haven’t really hung out outside of working together, which isn’t the same. I think also talking to my sister helped. She called me the other day and we talking for well over an hour just kind of about everything and it was good to talk about stuff other than all the ridiculous amount of drama that goes on here. It’s unreal that within such a small staff there can be this much shit that goes on.

This is just going to be a short one because I just wanted to put something new up. I can’t wait until I can start posting photos again because a blog isn’t near as good when it doesn’t have photos. Oh and please listen to David Bowie’s Golden Years because it’s pretty much stuck on repeat in my mind. And Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons. That’s an absolutely brilliant song.

All I really want in 2010 is a love story.