hold on to what you believe.

I have a love/hate relationship with blogging at the moment. I’ve had some crazy thoughts/memories about something that happened a couple years ago…and I don’t want to start writing it down because then it will just all come out but at the same time I want to write it down because I want to get it off my chest. And so this leads me to the reason I have not blogged for a couple of days. I just don’t know what to say. And I’m scared that if I start ranting in my usual way then it will just eventually find it’s way to the surface.

I want to delete A off my facebook. I no longer have any feelings for him whatsoever and I’d really rather never see him again for a long long time, or really forever. However, I just can’t seem to do it….and it’s driving me absolutely insane. He’s done about nothing for me except give me a boost in self confidence, which I’m not going to lie, is kind of nice. But throughout the year when I was going over there, I had so many mixed emotions it was simply ridiculous. It was like a roller coaster that I couldn’t get off of, even if I wanted to. I was hooked. And now being here and learning about myself, changing, growing as a person it made me realize how over it I am. But if I’m so over it then how come I can’t bring myself to delete him.

This is weak I know, I just haven't posted in awhile. Life is amazing at the moment and I don't feel the need to share it. I just want to hold it all in and make sure it doesn't disappear. Yes, I realize this may be selfish. I promise you I will share in the very very near future.

I promise that another blog is coming soon.

I miss you and love you all more than words can explain.