I'm scared.

I wonder how I can have so much to say yet not know how to form it into words that everyone will understand. Do you ever feel that way? That you want to get all your emotions out but yet you feel that if someone was to say..."Mandy go...say what you want and just get it all out and say exactly what you feel, and I won't judge, but rather sit and listen and give help where you ask". What would you say? Would you be able to just let it all out. I have been absolutely blessed in life with a small number of people in life who I know I can do this with. The only problem...is that they're on the other side of the world and I suck at phone conversations. I mean I love talking on the phone but really I love listening on the phone. I could listen to someone for hours. And I love doing this in person as well. Most of the time people wonder if I'm alright but I absolutely love listening to people talk. Listening to them get out everything that they want to say and exactly how they feel. This is something I've been lucky to do several times and I love it. How come I can't do it? How come it's something that I struggle with every day of my life. If I could just say what I want to say and express how I feel, maybe all my pent up emotions would come out. Am I scared to let them out, scared of what will happen, what others will think of me? I have no idea but I know I'm scared. I have so many feelings that I've never told a soul about. And I only realized it today. It just hit me like a ton of bricks and that ton of bricks hurt like a mofo. I trust the people I love with everything but why am I too scared to let someone in that close to me. Even the closest person to my soul, Dariane, doesn't know some of this. Will you all be there for me when i get back because I know I'm going to have to unload some of these feelings and it's going to be hard but it's got to be done because I need to let it go.