Is their innocence intact?

Written May 11, 2009

I haven’t attempted this in a few days and I have no reason why I haven’t. I haven’t done many other things it’s just I don’t know where I start. These last few days have been good. I feel so much more positive and relaxed. Today I took a walk along the lake to deep bay and back which is about an hour and a half and just listened to Xavier Rudd and tuned everything out and just took it all in. It was amazing.
Okay, enough of the lake and how beneficial it is for me to be here. It’s like a big detox from all the stress that was going on in the city.

I haven’t been as contemplative as I planned to be and I suppose that that is a good thing. Maybe. When I am by myself I can just get down pretty easily because I’ll just think and think and think about everything and then my thinking gets ridiculous. At least when I have someone to think out loud too they can tell me when I am being ridiculous.

It’s been hard to describe some of the stuff that I have been thinking about lately. I’m stressed because I don’t know what to do in the fall, do I travel, because I’m 21 and haven’t done anything in my life besides school. I mean I have about zero life experience, I’ve never placed myself outside of my comfort zone really, and I want to. Or do I go and finish school which is another good idea because yes I am really close to finishing the first part of my schooling and at some point I will need to get a good job, a stable job. But I’m not all about a career right now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to go experience great things and I want to just not have obligations and deadlines and things that need to get done. I’m hoping to find some clarity on this asap. I mean school will always be there and those credits that I have earned will always be there. And so will those countries that I want to go see, they’re definitely not going anywhere but ahh I just don’t really like I am ready to make this life altering decision. Even though I think that in my heart I do know what I want to do.

There's much more to this that I will add as soon as my mind slows down long enough for me to figure it out.