Just a thought

Do you ever wonder who the hell you are? Why you do the things you do? How the people that you’ve met in the last few years have influenced you to be the person that you are now? How when you find out the way that someone sees you, your whole perception of yourself can change in an instant? Or is this only me that over analyzes and thinks about this and I know I put on this huge front that it doesn’t matter to me what people think of me and for the most part that’s true, but when I hear something either good or bad it has an effect on the way that I see myself. This wall that I’ve built up around me to prevent myself from ever getting hurt again needs to come down as soon as possible. Why can’t I just let the past go? Why is it so easy for me to just let go of relationships? I haven’t talked to my father since January and before that it was in September, when I told him I didn’t want a relationship with him anymore. This should affect me more than it does. I feel numb to this.