All of our friends were gathered there with their pets...

My little sister graduates tomorrow from police studies and I couldn't be more proud. I also have a pretty stellar outfit to wear so I'm kind of stoked. It include heels...which means I will be complaining but it'll be okay.

She's a pretty great sister to have.
Congratulations Dariane!! I love you!

Let's get together and talk about the modern age.

I feel like this could be my therapy. I also feel like if I watch one more sad tear jerking scene of grey's anatomy I am going to drive myself insane.

It rained all day today. I love these days. We also drove to the nearby town to pick up a few things. So I got to drive in the rain. One of my absolute favorite things to do. Along with driving barefoot really early in the mornings with the sun coming up.

I have started this post a lot, then I've saved it, did something else, then came back only to delete everything that I wrote. I just don't know whether it's entirely something I am comfortable sharing on here, even though I do believe that the majority of people who read this know mostly everything about my life.

Earlier today I was writing an email to a friend and trying to explain to her how I felt about a certain situation that I thought was coming my way when it hit me. I am scared. Today I was to potentially see someone whom has affected my life and the life of someone I care about incredibly much in a very negative way. I haven't seen this person for more than 15 minutes in about 3 years now. And I would have no clue how to react if I had to. I am scared for that moment that I know will inevitably come. Do I pretend like nothing happened? Because I know that that person will. Do I explain how I really feel, do I avoid him? I just have no idea and I'm scared for this moment to come.

It's nice to know exactly what emotion you are feeling, that way you can change it and move on. When you don't know it just always seems to be looming near the surface.

I wrote this last night and just wanted to read over it before I posted it this morning.

Also do you ever have those dreams where you are dreaming and its just so unbelievably realistic and you are terrified that this is how it really is and then you wake up and you are just so grateful to wake up. I had this dream last night where I went to Mexico with a bunch of my friends for another friends wedding and then I was kidnapped...and made to be a slave of this crazy mexican woman. And they all had slaves, and they said I would be there for at least a year before they released me!!! And these women with the slaves would make people floss their teeth for them and that was like the greatest thing ever for them. It seemed like the most disgusting idea to me. Man that was strange. They also made you do everything else for them. Needless to say, when i woke up, I was so thankful it was a dream because it really felt like it was real.

I am sitting here with a giant bowl of grapes, a glass of water, and my computer (obviously). I woke up this morning, went for a run, went and got stuff to make my mom lunch and dinner. Which I'll have you know that this entire town does not have alfalfa sprouts and I checked both grocery stores. I found tofu at the second one so that was a good thing but the foreign food section in both of the stores only contained mexican food...strange. That doesn't seem very foreign.

Rootless tree

I had a really great post in my head last night, with a million ideas and things to write about. And then I slept. And had an amazing sleep...10 hours straight which is incredibly rare for me and now I lost all of those thoughts. I'm sure they will come back and when they do I will possibly post about them.

I went to Winnipeg for the last time for awhile to help Katie clean (which I should have done a better job of). We got there and we went for breakfast and then we went home and cleaned...she packed her stuff and did the bathroom and I cleaned out the stove (which was terribly) and the kitchen and the laundry room. Then we went for dinner to Carlos and Murphys and then I went to see another good friend and then it was time to get my stuff together and hit the road. And I did, and it was a long road home. I absolutely love driving. To be able to just listen to music and have time to think about things to tune everything out...so that nothing else matters. I want a car specifically for that reason. I want a car and I want to go on a long long road trip. And when you're driving with someone for extended lengths of time I think that stuff that might come up in conversation or the stupid little games you can play on the road are awesome.

On my way home I hit a bunny...and I was really really upset. I tried to stop, I tried to swerve around it but I was unsuccessful. I stopped after and was slightly traumatized for a while. I've never hit anything before in my life. I also texted ashley but made sure that I called it a rabbit because bunny just sounds too awful.

I love being able to cook here. It's amazing. My mom has the nicest kitchen ever and I have all day to do it. I have all day to figure out something amazing that I can make. And I have someone to cook for because it was always just cooking for myself at my old place and that isn't near as fun for me. I could constantly have people over and be cooking for them and I would be totally content.

Okay, this is the rambliest (pretty confident that that is not a word) that I've posted in a long time and my mind is pretty scattered. So I'm going to stop. I think I'm going to go for a run. I told myself that I would run this summer so I have to start at some point. I want to get in tons better shape throughout this summer. And really I do have to start this running somewhere because there isn't a gym I can go to at the lake. Although from what I understand we will have enough workout gear there to furnish a gym...except for the big equipment. But for that we have a huge lake to swim in, miles of shoreline and wilderness to hike.

I haven't been so excited for something in a pretty long time. I need these next four months.

The Heart of Life

Right now I am in love with this song and basically anything that is from the continuum album.

Here's the lyrics as well because they are equally amazing.

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws you heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way, it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

Trying to find a thought that's escaped my mind

I am done and I am at my mom's. It's also sort of like living in a really fancy hotel for a little while. One with no elevators and fancy hallways that lead me to my room. And I don't have a card key to get into the room. And there's no pool. So really not like a fancy hotel but I do have a giant luxurious bed that I get to sleep in. And I love it.

Charlie was about as unhappy with the move as I was. Sad but anxious to get where we were going. Although here she just looks mad.


Tomorrow I go to my grandpa's 80th birthday party. I'm sure it'll be a rockin good time. Maybe I'll take a photo of the two of us...somehow sneakily. I think he might be weirded out if I did the whole camera thing where you hold it out in front of you and take it. Maybe he wouldn't I don't know. I love him, he's a fantastic man. He insists on giving us a giant hug everytime we get to his house and leave. Also I found out my Grandma is sick. This worries me and has me more upset than I have been in a long time. She's a trooper though so I'm sure it'll be okay.

We drove through nothing but miles and miles of water today. It was rather amazing. Miles of it. And I saw some vans that were underwater. That was kind of cool but really unfortunate for the owners of said vans.






Okay I must be on my way to sleep in this giant amazing bed. I figure 2 short posts in a day is better than no posts.

what i want from this is to learn to let go

I am moving today and I have completely mixed feelings. I am sad to leave the city but excited to go to the lake and nervous about finding an apartment when I get back. Or in the middle of summer when I'm not going to be in Winnipeg, or be able to get to Winnipeg that easily.

I also know that these next 15 to 20 days or so are going to be hellish with organization. Most people that know me know that I'm a pretty organized person so to not have a place to put it away and to be travelling from place to place I'm just not sure how I'm going to manage. I'll be fine. Plus I get to spend some time with some really great people and for that I'm extremely grateful.

I know I've slacked in the blogging department because I was doing really well but then I just got super busy. I bought an adorable dress for Dariane's grad. I'll post a photo of the two of us after the day comes and goes. I'm so proud of her :)

Okay, I'll post tonight when I'm sitting on the couch doing nothing because I can't move my body. I'm not looking forward to moving all this furniture just my mom and I.

Wish me luck. I'm already really sad about moving and I haven't even started.

This place is a prison

This year has been really really great. And I write my last exam in a few short hours and then it will be done. I will be done my third year. I'm not going to write a big reflective post because I don't know where to start with that one. I am however going to put up some of my favorite photos and favorite memories from the year. Because I feel like being sentimental.

September

This is one of my favorite pictures of Amanda and I. We had a lot of wine that night. and copious amounts of sushi. And we couldn't get the car started (before the wine of course) and we didn't know ANYONE that we could call to come give us some help so we wound up calling Greg and he rescued us...I do believe the only thing he did was put the car in Park...I don't know, or changed the gear somehow.



We only brought out jerry the can once this year but it was pretty amazing. He really made the night golden for us. This was also the night that we lost Bart, the water bottle...that was sad. And I also wonder why we named our things that we drank out of. Also this is a solid picture of the evening I must say. These girls are stellar.



October

Our family had a small photo shoot when we went home for Thanksgiving because we are never both at home anymore. It was pretty fun and a lot of good pictures came out of it. Unfortunately I can't find my really good ones. I think I put them in another folder for Dariane's grad gift but I don't feel like searching around on my computer for it. Nor do I have time as I sould be studying right now for a difficult exam that's in 3 hours.



All of us room mates used to get along really well. One night we drank and then biked through a giant puddle that had formed in the back lane. We felt like kids..it was amazing.



Here's a little specialty...an extra photo because I refuse to take those nice emo photos that everyone does because they never turn out quite how you want them to.
Instead I usually growl at the camera and come out with an equally unflattering photo. I enjoy these photos.



November

There's pretty much no photos from November. We must have not done much that warranted taking pictures. I am also usually pretty lazy with the camera.
Amanda and I did visit the corn maze though on the first and it was a great deal of fun...but way too easy. I think we would up going through it several times.





December

I have just about nothing from December unfortunately. Just a few from Christmas. I think spending time with my family was more important than taking pictures. That's a good thing.

We played rock band one night. I had a really great video of my mom but I think that I deleted it when i was trying to make my computer run faster. It was a fun time, although I didn't even make an attempt at DDR...because I have zero coordination.



I look like I am torturing this child in this photo but I promise he is just looking in another direction. We got to meet my little cousin Miikka at christmas. He's grown like crazy since this picture.


Here's a photo of Dariane and I from christmas. There's no really stellar memory attached to this photo. We just had a small photo shoot and waited patiently to get our gift.



January

We went for a walk on the river one day...it was a really nice day out and we needed to get out of our apartment and enjoy some sweet fresh air. It was pretty amazing. We also needed to document that we do do things other than get together and drink.



This is the kind of amazing people I surround myself with. And I love every single one of them, especially when I look at my camera the next morning and there's so many great pictures of my friends making ridiculous faces.


This was taken on my birthday after a few of us girls went for dinner at the Billabong. It was also right after I had my haircut...when I still really liked my bangs.


February

This month was a solid month of parties. It got a little out of hand and we got really sick of partying all the time and also got sick of cleaning our apartment. Man did it ever get brutal...having people over ALL the time. I am cutting myself short of time to study so I'm just going to post a bunch of photos from this month. Plus I don't think I could pick 2 or 3 favorites.







I am going to pretend that March never happened because I really have to study and this has turned into way more fun than I thought that it would be.

Send a little smile my way :)

I really like to listen to people. Very often when we have people over or when we go out somewhere with a group of people I don't talk much. This concerns my close friends, the ones that know me really well, because then they think there's something wrong because normally I talk...a lot. But even last night when I was with two of the most amazing people we were just sitting talking, well they were just sitting talking and I was there just taking it all in. I don't really analyze it when I am listening. I just listen. I guess this is a good quality seeing as I want to be a counsellor. That will hopefully make me good at my job.

We've been having a lot of deep conversations lately and it's rather strange because we normally keep it light hearted. I guess it's because we are all feeling like we need a change and it's strange that I'm suddenly writing this in terms of "we" because it's just really I that is observing this and writing about it.

Also, a certain someone finds out a very big bit of information this week and I am definitely hoping it's what she wants to hear. Which honestly, I'm still not sure what it is. Good luck bud! (I don't speak like that normally) I would never EVER call her bud but I didn't want to write pal or her name so we'll just stick with bud.
Now several hours later I found out she got into education!!! Congratulations...you will be an amazing hot 23 year old teacher if you don't get the frumpy makeover before you start teaching. We brought her cake from baked expectations (which always comes up naked expectations on my phone which makes it way better when I ask people if they want to go there) and then we went for a study break which was great. And as Katie and I were walking there I was talking about how awesome it is to have the chance to do that for people. It's great to spring little surprises on your friends and I love doing it for people. (That and when you go to baked expectations you walk past the firehall and the sexy firemen might be outside...perfect)

I have 2 exams tomorrow. I feel pretty prepared for one of them. The other one I am kind of freaking out about. I just don't know how the format is going to be...well I do and it's going to be really hard which is why I am scared and it's also going to be worth 50% which freaks me out too...ahh I just don't know. I'm sure I will be fine. I just can't wait for it to be over with and then I will officially be done my third year. Then I think it will be time to officially figure out what I want to do with my life.

Okay, I can't procrastinate any longer. I have to study now. or never. and I don't want it to be never because then I will fail my classes and that will suck. But I wanted to post today and I"ve been adding bits and pieces all day so sorry if it's scattered and it probably is. But it's here and that's all that matters.

Spreadin' the Love

I am in love with this song right now. I think it's amazing. It also makes me want to go to Brazil so I can dance in the middle of street and it would be widely accepted. People wouldn't think that I was crazy...minus the fact that my moves don't come close to matching some of these fine folks

I said hey, i'll be gone today

I love lazy sundays. I also love apples with peanut butter. Although I think that I've mentioned that sometime earlier. One more thing I love is reruns of the OC, which seem to always be on.

I miss a lot of people already and I am not even gone yet. I just have to keep reminding myself that change can be good and that this summer is going to be great.

We had some people over from Second Cup last night, some girls that have worked there or currently work there, and it was fun. We had a little potluck and then hung out for the rest of the evening. They went out, I opted to stay in. I just wasn't really feeling the bar for some reason, or the alcohol. It could be the hangover from Tuesday. Amanda took lots of photos, which is normally the task I am handed. Although i am in none of these which kind of sucks because I don't have a lot of photos with these guys but she did take this one of my eyes. (I don't think that I wanted to be in any of them, I think I was having an off day/being extremely lazy and didnt doll myself up.) I think I look slightly insane, although it made me realize how blue my eyes were and Katie pointed out that my eyes are deep set. Although she said it in some cryptic way that took me forever to figure out what she meant.



This is the other one she took with me in it. Definitely an off day as I cover my head. Also as we discovered we like those chairs inside because they make us feel like we are outside sitting by a fire minus the bugs. And the fire, and the stars, and just generally the fresh air.



My mind is reeling with a million things right now. It's a post that's coming at some point, I am not ready to post it quite yet because it's pretty reflective and I want to make sure the words that I use are right.

Now it's Monday and I didn't finish that post at all yesterday like I planned on doing. I love the nights where you have a ton of dreams. I wish I would be able to remember them. I wish my thoughts would somehow be connected to a writing utensil and would write them down. Because I always wake up and forget ALL of them. Except for bit and pieces. The only bit of a dream that I remember from last night was Katie telling me that her peacock feather headband was drying out. WHAT??? that made no sense because feathers are already dry, unless of course they are seagull feathers in the water...then they are not dry, not at all.

Woah...off topic. Even though I never really had a topic as usual when I write these. I have a ton of studying to do today. And I'm pretty ready for it. I am kind of sad that my behavior modifications class is over. I really really enjoyed this class.

Also, it feels strange to be able to lie in bed for as long as I want. Strange and fantastic because I really like lying in bed. It gives me time to wake up, time to blog, time to catch up on some emails, time to work on sam's blanket, time to think up fun plans (Dariane and I might try and take a road trip to calgary in between our lives and being done school, although I would have to learn to drive standard which would be okay because I should learn for the summer anyway because that's what Ashley's car is. I also want to make it to see Cass Sam and Evan before I go up to the lake so I would try and tie that in there somewhere too.

anyways, back to sleep I go, that or studying...need some coffee before I do anything

Come on courage, teach me to be shy

I woke up this morning and felt pretty damn good. It was so nice to lie in bed and just relax and not think about all the things that I had to do. I rarely take the time to lie in the bed in the morning although I realized it's a smart idea and everyone should try it out every now and then. While I laid in bed I put on an episode of grey's anatomy and worked a bit on sam's blanket. Then I read a bit of breaking dawn, and then I fell asleep for an extra hour. It was glorious. When I woke up after my morning nap, I got up and did a couple hours of yoga. Why don't I regularly start my day off with a little yoga practice. It makes you feel so good. So alive and so ready.



I am officially pretty much unemployed for the next 2 and half months. I am extremely excited about this. A lot of things have changed for me this year. There's been a ton of things that have happened and ways I've grown and been shaped and altered. I don't know if that's the right way to describe it. I haven't taken the time to reflect on these things, to fully appreciate them and to figure out what I feel, what I believe,etc. This may sound like a bunch of bull shit but I think that it's important to sit back and allow yourself to reflect. To allow yourself to grow even more as a person. I fully intend on doing this in the next little while. I need to allow myself to do this, I need my soul revived.

I am incredibly lucky. Today Ashley told me that I was inspiring and it got me. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. When you get a compliment that comes from someone incredibly genuine and it's something that you have never been told or never thought of yourself as, it's a really great feeling. People should tell each other these things more often. Because it means a lot. Thank you Ashley for being an incredible, equally inspiring friend. I love you and am so lucky to have you in my life. That sounds pretty sappy to be coming from me. Every now and then I get sappy. I try and keep it hidden from most people but it's come out on this blog several times. But really it's true. You mean a lot to me and have been a constant support in my life and someone I can go to no matter what time of day, no matter what it is. You are great.

Love, it taught me to lie

You know when you have those days when all your emotions just seem to come crashing into you and you sit back for a minute and just think about everything that's going on around you and you get overwhelmed as hell? That's me today.

I don't do goodbyes well. I get awkward.



And in the next little while, there's going to be a lot of good byes. And it scares me because you become good friends with people and then you don't know if you will ever see them again. People always say that they are going to stay in touch and what not but that doesn't always happen. It just worries me because I feel like I have made some good solid friendships this last year and it's hard to leave. Even though I know that I will probably be coming back I also know that a lot of these people are going to be gone. Just a bunch of sad news that makes me gloomy just thinking about it. Plus there's the fact that it's rainy and cloudy which I do love but sometimes it gets me down. Also makes me think about things more...strange how that works, it's just like all your cares go away when the sun is shining.



Man, I want to travel in the worst way possible. I want to save all my money and run away and never come back. Every now and then I would fly people out to see me because I would get lonely. Think of all the people that you could meet and the new things that you could see. It would be amazing. I know that I'm seriously all talk about all this but I want to do it, I just need to save up some money. And I would love to go with someone but everyone is sorting out their lives.

Life goes easy on me

You know I think I might just keep up with putting things on here from ETSY that I want. Because I love that site, and I love looking through it because they have some really amazing things on it. And also because I run out of things to write about and I feel like I write about the same thing over and over and over again and I annoy myself. Which means I really must annoy some of the people that read this.

However, before I post these lovely and quirky things, I must post this lovely photo of some pretty amazing women. The other day we had a nice little photo shoot along with some great drinking. By great drinking I mean way too much drinking. It was a beautiful day out and the deck was calling our name, along with several shots and half a 26. The bed was calling the day after that and I wasted away until 6. Then I thought about how I am never drinking again. It's funny how these thoughts cross your mind and last for a week and then fly out the window the next time that something comes up.



Now as I take a peek around this etsy site I find lots of really amazing things. I also find a vast amount of strange things. Like this necklace which has a plate and all the ingredients to make smores. I think it would take a really special kind of person to wear this around their neck. I mean I know that everyone loves a good smore, but to wear the ingredients around your neck??? When I was a kid I babysat my cousins at a hotel while their parents were at a wedding and we made smores in the microwave. Another time ashley and I roasted the marshmallows over the element on the stove and made them that way. We did this in the cabin that we are living in this summer. I hope to repeat this many times.



I know that Dariane is going to think I'm a major hippie for wanting these but I love them and I want them badly. I think they're great and they look comfortable. Like wearing slippers all day which I would love to do. In fact I do it when it's either frozen or dry outside because I can, and in Strath's words "I do what I want"



If I had a really smokin' body I would wear this dress. Because I LOVE the color of it, and I think it's gorgeous. I guess I would have to have somewhere to wear it too because this isn't the kind of dress you just wear out for the day while you're doing your daily errands. I suppose it could be, I suppose you could wear anything you want, although you may get funny glances, which would cause you to feel not so hot in whatever outfit you were wearing. Maybe someone should wear those mocassins with this dress. Not that would be a lovely little getup.



Seeing these beautiful headbands makes me wish I wore headbands. Maybe I should start. I did all the time when I was a wee one. But I think that I remember them really hurting the back of my head. And I'm not one to go for the pain and beauty thing. I don't think that they should mingle.



I think that's about it for this post. I could go on forever, and maybe if I get bored this afternoon I will update again. I am at work until 2:30 after all so I have excessive amount of time on my hands. :) I love it when there's plenty of time.

Random tidbits:
My day started off with a large coffee, which is strange because I don't really like coffee but really felt that it was needed. It also started with me doing laundry. And I had the worst sleep of my life. I kept waking up at all hours and being wide awake. But then knowing that it would be abnormal for me to get up at 4 AM because there's nothing to do at that time. Nothing, I suppose I could have studied more, or maybe worked on Sam's blanket. That's what this afternoon is dedicated too though. Sam's blanket and Breaking Dawn. Because I want to finish both. Well I really need to finish breaking dawn preferably before tomorrow because I need to give it back to Tressa before I move. I should also pack a bit this afternoon. Hmm...now I just don't know what today will bring, so many things to do. But I have a good chunk of time I think. We'll see.

Control Yourself, take only what you need from it.

I feel detached, and distant, and unsure and so many different strange emotions that I haven't felt in a really long time. Last week everything was perfect and everything was going in a really good direction, but then suddenly I feel like everything has changed, things are still going in a good direction but with a mix of a little strange negativity in there, strange feelings.

I had dinner with Stephanie last night and it was really good. We went for sushi and it was nice to see her, it had been a long time, a really long time. She's a pretty damn great person. You know when you have those friends that you know will be there for your whole life? That's what she is like. I know that no matter what is going on or how far apart we are, I will always be able to call and find out what's going on with her. The kind of friend where you can just pick right back up where you left off is a pretty solid friendship.

I don't think that I am going to elaborate and go into why I am feeling so different. It's a strange feeling and I have talked to someone about it. Sometimes there are things that you want to put on your blog but you know that you shouldn't maybe be quite so open about all of it. That's the case here. So I'm done.

I have a strong desire to go shopping...for things that I don't really know.


I want this painting, I think it's beautiful. I love how bright the birds are. Well I really like birds, I want some flying out of the tree that I have on my back. Maybe I will get them when I have kids. That'd be kind of neat.


I also want this dress. I think that the back of it is beautiful. And I want to be as classy as the girl with her long cigarette thing. Anyone know what those things are called?? I might take up smoking if I could use one of those.


This thing really really freaks me out. I don't know why, but I do know that I wouldn't want this thing on me, or anywhere near me for that matter.

I was once this graceful..

This is phenomenal and I watch it daily and then go on to pretend that I'm this amazing at dancing. There's a long introduction, the dance starts at 2:37

Dream Weaver

Hey Hey Everyone
I don't really know where to start with this today. I don't have anything particular I want to write about. Or nothing particular to say. I am going to try my hardest not to ramble. However, through a series of emails that I have written the past few days I have noticed that is what I am best at. Rambling. Because I do it so much when I am talking I guess that's just how I think. See rambling again.

Life's been pretty solid lately. I went for sushi with a good friend the other night, i had been craving both her company and some good sushi so that was a really really good night. Besides the fact that after dinner we went and studied. That sucked. Not craving her company in a weird way. It had just been awhile and I hadn't talked to her in quite some time. And by that I mean like 3 days. A lot can happen in that time though!

There's people talking in the waiting room about being scientologists...strange and slightly creepy. All I can think about when I hear about scientology is tom cruise. Isn't that kind of screwed up that the only thing you think of when you hear about a religion is a particular "actor"...screwy.

Dariane wants to do a community safety video when she is out for the weekend. Hmm...that should be interesting. I do a nervous eyebrow twitch when I am filmed. I do it every time and it drives me crazy when I am watching it back. Oh well...it'll be stellar. We can do "how to avoid drunk people late at night" There's enough crazies and alcoholics wandering around Osborne, especially now that it's warming up that I am sure that we would get a really great video. Or she can think of something else exciting to do. I don't have the first clue when it comes to community safety.

The blanket that I am making for Sam is coming along good! Maybe I'll take a photo in the next few days to show Cassie how far I am! It's going to be a nice warm one I think. Which is great because warm blankets are the best sort of blankets. Also blankets that you put on the beach and lie on and absorb the vitamin D and fantastic UV rays. Those are just as good as other warm blankets.

!!!

I emailed a friend of mine from Australia. She has September and October off from school and she's only going to be working part time. This definitely contributes to my plan. Something that really contributes to my plan is not wanting to be here for winter. And having her to show me around for the first little while would be so awesome. And she told her boyfriend that I'm coming and he is really excited to meet me. And I could really go on and on about how much I want to go and why I want to go. Dariane...how about instead of moving to another city in Canada, you move to Australia for awhile with me?? I think it's a really great plan! I am pretty confident that I am going to do this. I just need to save up until I have about 5000 dollars and then I am totally set.



Really, how could this not entice you to want to come along?? Anyone, anyone. It'll be a really really fun time. Now just comes the hard part of saving enough money.



On to other news, I don't have a tea this morning and I miss it. But I didn't have any time and I felt like vomiting this morning so I wasn't game to make any.
I took some pepto bismol and ate some toast and then all was better.
Hmm..what else is new. Last night I witnessed an act of immaturity that was pretty halarious. And intense. Those who know me know what happened, I can't go into it here which means I don't even really know why I am writing about it anyways but I am cause I told my boss today and she had a really really good laugh.

Putting those pictures of Perth up, prompted me to put some photos up of Clear Lake. Where I am anxiously awaiting to be.



I've hiked this once and it was amazing. I would really really like to do it again. Only finish it, because we didn't go the whole way last time. It's beautiful and breathtaking and something that I would love to see again. That part of the park isn't enjoyed as much as I think it should be. There's an unreal statistic about the amount of people that actually leave the townsite when they go, something like only 2 or 8% of the people that go through the park gates and into the townsite will leave and see other parts of the park.


Photo is taken by Kelsey Conner

This photo is one of the pier, looking back towards the beach. To the right of this is where our cabin will be :) Up in a bunch of trees with a bunch of other tiny non water cabins. But it will be home, just like it has been in the past. I can't wait, I haven't been this excited for something in a while. Last night, Katie, Ashley and I went out for a drink and it was just so great to hang out with both of them and I was reassured that everything will be great in the summer.



This last shot is one of the lake and the pier. This really will be amazing and great and refreshing and cool and I feel like extremely beneficial for me. For my mind, for my body, for my soul..haha, I don't ever talk like that but you know what I mean. I need time away, I need to figure out a bit more who I am, cause I don't have a freakin clue about that. I know that I don't need to know at this point and I also don't want to know at this point who I am because I love growing and I learning and changing but I do want to have a bit better of an idea.

After looking through these photos it looks like my 2009 is going to shape up to be pretty damn amazing. And I'm going to have some serious good views no matter where I do.

PS. Dariane please come with to Perth.

I'll love you till the end

I wish that I could write something profound. My blogs seem to be rambly to be. I feel like I might be repeating myself over and over again.

Hold on, I need to get some water...okay back. And there was a little bit of tea left in my mug so now it tastes like orange mango flavored water...only with very little orange mango. Delicious.

Right, okay, back to profound.

But I find it hard to write about anything that's got a lot of meaning in life or something that's bothering me because I've been so happy lately. And I feel like if I bring those issues up then I might get dragged down with the thoughts.

There aren't a lot of things that get to me lately. Something that's always an underlying problem in my life is my father. He is someone that still has this incredible ability to cause me great stress whether he is involved in my life or if he isn't. This is also something where I feel like I have no one to talk to. I have a few friends who I tell everything to, I know that I am an open book and I know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. But this is something I don't talk about and it's something that's constantly been on my mind. I have only seen him at a family get together at christmas very briefly and I have no talked to him since the summer sometime. Things have been strained for a long time. I am also 100% willing to say that this is both of our faults. I am stubborn and no longer able to handle the excessive amount of excuses that spew out of his mouth and he isn't willing to try anymore I don't think. What does it take before a parent gives up on a relationship with their child? Apparently, not much with some people. I don't really want to go into details on here, i just wanted to get it off my chest. This is something that's really hard for me and something that I think about almost every day. I don't know what to do, or what is right and I don't really know if I ever will.

My family is one that I love to death. I never grew up with my brother so that's a bit different, even though I do value the time I get to spend with him and I do love him, it's just not as close of a bond as I have with my mom and my sister because we were the three musketeers my whole life.




I realize this isn't profound or great by any means but something different than my boring life to write about. Plus there's some photos :)

It doesn't mean i'm lost

Why does it seem like every morning I am running out the door with a piece of toast in one hand and tea in the other rushing to the bus stop but then I am always about 15 minutes early for work. Why don't I just take me time? I don't know, I have this thing that I have to be out the door at quarter to 8 and I wake up at 7 and there is only so much you can do in 45 minutes, especially if after the shower you like to lie on your bed and do nothing for awhile and have recently started to blow dry your hair because you are sick of it being frozen when you get on the bus. It'd be nice if it wouldn't freeze seeing as it's now the beginning of April and this is when it's supposed to start to get warm out.

I had a really great weekend. And I'm in this sort of state of mind that I feel like I haven't been in a long time and I'm happy. I can genuinely say that I am feeling really happy. Nothing changed really, nothing big and monumental anyways.

Carly came home. I got to spend a few hours with her on Sunday and it was so great to see her again. I feel like when you don't see someone for 5 months and they were off somewhere really great then there is so much to catch up on and so much to talk about and I could have spent days with her. I will soon enough, although I am going to be going to the lake for the summer and she will be in the city so i won't get to see her as much as I would like.

Another friend of mine also came back from being in Guatemala. I feel like I have posted this already. He's back and we met for coffee on Saturday I think. It was really nice. It feels all back to normal when all of your friends come back and you can see them again.

Other random things today:
back to my usual cup of orange mango decaf tea in the morning :)
I might need to buy more soon.
carly had boots made for her in vietnam. I need those, this way they could fit over my leg...how nice it would be.
My ipod is coming today!!
I wish that I could put more pictures up on here but i always write these at work.
Will update later tonight when I procrastinate while studying.

a diva is a female version of a hustler

Dariane is coming out Friday for the weekend and I am unbearably excited for this!!
She's also bringing the old dog.
Almost as excited about that.
That means we get to take him for walks and he gets to make my apartment a big mess and it'll be so great.
I love her, her being Dariane and I can't explain my excitment. I should try and get Monday off for this.

PS my titles come from whatever song I am listening to at the same time. And whatever line i hear when I'm writing the title.

Dark as the black cracks in the ground

My computer is not doing the things that I want it to do. It’s on a bad connection. Shockingly I don’t have anything that I want to blog about in particular so this will another series of my rambling. Not a big deal I don’t think.

There are two police officers across the street from where I am and they are incredibly attractive and I just felt like a total stalker for about 4 minutes but they were hot and I enjoyed the eye candy for a little while. Then I thought about the fact that Dariane will be working with some incredibly attractive but some not so attractive men and jealous of her for the hot men..in uniform. I seriously question when I developed this attraction for a man in a uniform. It's strange to me, somewhat foreign but awesome at the same time and Im not going to complain but rather just enjoy.

This procrastinating is going to be deadly for me. There just seems to be so many more exciting things to do and people to email, rambling to do when I should be studying. It's okay though, I'm comfortable with this. I have all day, well until about 1 to study. I could study later today, I suppose, I just feel so much more productive during the morning, which is when I usually write these blogs.

I am putting serious thought and serious ideas and planning into moving to Australia for a while next year. Go in September and work for a while. Live there, enjoy the lifestyle. Something totally different from what I am used to I want to think and just grow. A friend of mine told me my life is safe and I like things that are comfortable and that's totally true and not something I have thought of before. But hell, I've never left the praries I just think about it all the time and thinking is not doing and I dont want to be a planner I want to be a doer and moving to australia and working and living is very very doable. I just need to save some money. A lot of money so that's what I am going to work towards in the summer. I have a goal and an idea and I'm excited about it. about the opportunity that this could be. I'm scared to go alone but I know someone down there that would be able to show me the ropes. I am excited for this.

Okay, now I must study. I just remembered that I had an assignment due tomorrow that I should get started on. but tomorrow is monday which means I am back to work which means I have to find ways to pass the time and that includes blogging so there will be more posts this week :)

You black and white needs a little bit of red!

2 for 2 so far. Go me!
Yesterday I went to future shop to return the mp3 player that I bought, the one that he told me would work with a mac but then definitely said ON THE BOX that you needed windows to make that thing work. I sure haven't seen to many mac's with windows that's for sure. When I was there, I was talking to the girl doing the return for me, just joking around with her about the st. james store, (where I bought it from, I returned it to the store on pembina) and things like that. I like conversations with random people, people at the grocery store, people you buy your coffee from (or in my case tea), people you see walking down the street. I just think that every now and then it's important and it's something I want to try and do more of. Yesterday I was walking home from work wearing my mukluks (my feet were soaked) and this guy said to me, "aren't your feet going to get wet and cold" and then I don't remember exactly what I said back to him but then we stopped and chatted for 5 minutes or so and it was great. Great to just stop and talk to someone who's life is not connected to yours in any way and for just a short time can connect and then disconnect just as fast. I think the world might be a little bit better if people stopped to just talk to each other, engage in some healthy conversation.

Okay, off on a little tangent there. The point of me saying that I returned my mp3 player is to mention that I finally caved and bought myself an ipod. I lasted way longer than I ever thought I would and that I had completely avoided it when i bought that mp3 player, but low and behold that's not what turned out happening. I didn't buy anything from future shop though. I went home and checked out the apple site and wound up ordering a lovely 4gb nano that's a lovely purple color. I can't wait to get it.



There's a photo of D and I from the summer. It's pretty, I'm a fan of it, mainly because check out that tan. It's pretty stellar I must say so myself. And also because we of course look lovely in it. And because I miss her and love her and I can't wait until I see her next. Also she passed her POPAT, which is some fancy, you have to be really strong, police officers test and I am incredibly proud of her!

I've slowly started to get her grad gift ready. It always takes a little more energy and time than I have but I love giving presents, especially ones that mean something and the gifts that I have her this year for christmas and her birthday seriously lacked in originality and meaning. Her gift for high school grad took a lot out of me. It's a good one and I am happy to have so many memories with her.

Other news since my last post...
hmm..
there's really nothing, I watched Twilight last night while I was nursing my sickness and trying to get better. It was good, but the movie is never as good as the book and I loved the book. I didn't appreciate the washed out strange coloring that it was done in either, maybe they were trying to be artistic.
Tressa is bringing me the last book in the twilight series. I think i'll be sad when it's done. It was good, I love getting really into a series that's not very long. I like it when they end, and I don't have to continuously wait for the next book to come out. I feel lucky to be able to read them all in order, as slow or as fast as I want.
I think I have a slight addiction to tea. Even though the majority of the time I have decaf tea anyways it's just nice to have a nice warm cup of something in the morning. This morning I didn't have time to make it so I figured I would just go a day without it. Big mistake, when I got here I went to starbucks right away and spent money to get myself some. Bad move, bad move. It's helping my cold.
Okay, back to work I go but this is awesome. I feel positive about this blogging thing. It's nice to ramble on and on. Let me know if it's a little too rambly?

This ain't no April Fools.

This is what i'm talking about from yesterday...Danny on idol. He is so talented.
April 1st and I am updating. That's a really really good sign. That means I'm starting off the month with an update and that's shocking. And no, this is not an April Fools Day joke. Not at all.

I have the flu and I feel awful. I haven't been sick in a long time. But my body just feels like it won't move. I feel like I can't take proper steps and every step takes this incredible energy that I don't have. I'm also incredibly dizzy and have the worst sinus headache of my life. This is me complaining about being sick because I never get sick and I hate it when people complain about it, but I understand. This is such a crappy feeling. I am going home early from work..at 1. And at that time I will take a bunch of nyquil...put on a pot of chicken noodle soup and hopefully fall into a peaceful blissful sleep for hours after that, and then wake up tomorrow and feel fresh and revived.

Stellan, the little baby that I mentioned in my other post a while back, still is in the hospital and still sick. This really breaks my heart. I hope he gets better soon because I can't even imagine how stellan feels or how his mom feels. I pray that that babe gets better asap. He is getting a blood transfusion right now which means that he's gotten to the point in his sickness where this is necessary. Not good at all, but I have hope that he'll be okay in the end.

Hmm..what else is new and blue in my life. School's over, I have three more learning logs to hand in which is basically just a paragraph that needs to be handed in every week and then exams on the 16th and 22nd and then I'll be done third year, and I can't believe it. Only one more year and maybe I'll be graduating :)