New Years

I could sit here and make up about 80,000 different New Years Resolutions. Things I want to accomplish in 2009, things I want to change, but I"m not sure that I will actually do that.

I would like to start taking things less seriously and have more fun. I mean I know now that I don't take everything seriously, some things maybe I should and I don't and some things that I do maybe I shouldn't. I guess I would like to find a balance.
I also don't want to stay working at a job that I hate. I have never been one to do this. Usually once I start not liking a job I will quit it but for some reason I just don't want to to quit at Second Cup. I've been there for just about a year now and it's comfy and I know everyone that works there and I absolutely HATE starting a new job. We'll see what happens. I plan on moving in May so maybe a few more months won't hurt anyone.

I want to do Yoga more. I love doing it so much but I just make excuses all the time on things that I could be doing that would be better. And I"m going to do Dariane's weight routine at least 4 times a week even if it kills me.

I want to keep in touch with people that are far away. I want to go on a trip. I was looking at something today called step out experience. It's in Costa Rica and it's just over a 1000 for 2 weeks but you get to do so many things..hiking, rappelling, zip line, volunteer and save some little turtles. I'm really considering looking into doing this, I think it would be amazing. Although it is rather short so I would have to save up some cash pretty fast.

I want to look at things the way I did when I was a kid. I mean I'm still a kid at heart really but there's adult things to do like bills, and figuring life goals out, etc. Speaking of which, I want to not worry about that anymore. I don't need to figure out what I'm doing with my life right now. I have so many years left to live and the last thing I want to do is try and figure out what "career" I want.
I want to break up routine. I hate having it and I do and it drives me crazy. I think that plays a strong part in why I am taking all distance ed classes. I can do my school work on my bed, or go to Starbucks, or go to a park when it warms up. Anything is better than sitting in a class room.

Well I guess I did what I wasn't going to and start listing all the things I want to change in the New Year.

In other News...Cassie and Evan had their baby!!!!! A little baby boy. Samuel Leslie!
I am so excited and they're going to make the most amazing wonderful parents. That little boy really lucked out with them! They had him on Christmas day in the evening I believed. I am so happy so so happy for them. And I really can't wait to meet him. And let him know that I will be the most stellar auntie sending him gifts all the time, even if I can't personally deliver them to him.

Christmas was good, super busy. It was nice to spend time with family but I am glad to be back in the comfort of my own apartment.

I think that when things even get a tiny bit stressful in my life I subconsciously start doing things that are good to myself. Lately things have been in a bit of an upheaval so I went to get my eyebrows waxed and then I went and got my hair cut (nice change I might add). I don't know why i do this, although I did need both things done. That and when I go get my eyebrows done, I go to my cousin and I really like seeing her so it's always nice to make up any sort of excuse to go and hang out for a while.

Okay, I need to shower and go buy groceries cause we have absolutely nothing to eat in this house right now. I went the other day but was totally distracted so I didn't buy a lot. I think that Katie needs to be with me because she always guides me and makes sure I get food that we will actually eat, not food that I say we will but never actually will.

Now that we're grown, we have to fly back home

I dont' really have to fly back home...but I'm packed..everything except for the little kitty cat. And we are off for a few days at home!! I will be back in the city on Sunday! I'm so excited to see Dariane and Mom. And unbelievably nervous to see my dad who i will see on Christmas day because we are going to the families get together. I know that there is going to be a big fight and I'm scared and nervous and can't bear to think about hurting some one's feelings on Christmas day, but whatever, it's just another day. Woah..run on sentence.
Okay...and i just realized I never mention my brother. I am excited to see him too, cause i never get to see him!
Now off to work for a few hours and I probably won't update this while I am away but as soon as I am back you better be prepared for some intense Mennonite family gathering photos. They'll be coming at you. HUGE FAMILY THINGS...I'm talking 20-40 people...but i certainly do love them all.
I hope that everyone has an amazing Christmas and that you are able to be with friends and family and make some amazing memories and I hope that everyone is well and happy...
Take Care my friends!


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

did you forget?

So...a few days ago was Lochie's Birthday. And now I need to stop drinking. 2 days before that we had a wine night for fun, and because we had some wine to get rid of. My liver hurts...literally aches inside of me. Needs a break. Will put up pictures as soon as I get onto a faster internet connection. Or one that doesn't screw up my facebook when I try and upload them. back to Lochie's birthday...it was so much fun! Got way too drunk, had a good adventure and made plans for a nice girly night now that Lochlin has a lady who's pretty much sweet and we can increase the number of girls in the group.

I have been alone for the last couple of days and spent my first evening with Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Matt Damon (a winning team I tell ya)...ugh. I watched Ocean's 11,12, and 13 all in one night. And shockingly...Katie will be impressed with this as will anyone else who I have ever watched a movie with, stayed awake for 2 out of 3 of them. I fell asleep through Ocean's 12..which is fine because it's terrible anyways. Tonight I am thinking I will watch The Dark Knight again. Because I absolutely love that movie..and haven't watched it enough since I bought it.

I really need to pack to go home, but I can't seem to get motivated even though I am going home tomorrow and dariane is getting me immediately after work and I won't have any time and I could continue with how much that whole situation sucks. I need to get cat litter on the way home from work to take that precious little mongrel home with me. I also need to remember my phone charger..and all the gifts...and to buy Dariane something more even though I have no clue what else I can possibly get her! AH!!!

Okay, this is just another means of procrastination.
I got my stuff for my courses this next term. I am scared. terrified. there is a lot of work to do. Hopefully I can keep up.
now i need to pack.

drink up drink up, go on and empty your cup

I went to Souris last weekend. It was awesome to see Cassie and Evan, and they're place and the adorable baby room...although Katie got slightly freaked out thinking that a baby was actually going to be living there in a very short while.

These are my beautiful hosts. Who did a fantastic job and it was really nice to hang out and just chill. Cassie and I made a gingerbread house the first night I was there. I think I ate way more icing than I should have but it was so delicious. We still managed to assemble the most beautiful gingerbread house I have ever seen.

Ya you are jealous aren't you, It was immaculate.
The next day we did true small town things...it was amazing. Like driving to the grocery store to get our delicious baking supplies cause that's what we were going to do all afternoon because we had a little potluck to attend later on. ( I am not sure why I classify this as small town because I do that all the time and I live in the city. After we got a few groceries we headed to the swinging bridge. We made it half way across before we were pretty much freezing cold because the wind was cutting us like a thousand..i dont' know something painful.

That's what i was imagining it looking like...unfortunately imagine no beautiful leaves, lots and lots of snow and no water...just ice...hard cold ice.
Once we got back to the warmth of Cassie and Evan's place, I met Evans pa...who then took us all to chicken chef which is perfect when it's in a small town. Absolutely perfect. Best gravy ever..mmm.
Then we got home and got to our baking. We made cupcakes, peanut butter marshmallow chocolate squares, and chocolate covered cherries. We were pretty much a hit, people gobbled them right up. ( i can't believe I just used the word gobble, Katie would beat me with a stick for that)


So...all in all it was a really good weekend. I had a really good time and it was so very nice to se e Cassie and they were awesome to stay with.

They dropped me off Sunday at Dariane's. It was so awesome to see her and we went shopping and then we went for dinner. It was good, although when Dariane and I get together some people can take our sarcasm way differently then what we mean and I think the waitress may have done that a little bit. I had a steak, which I never get at restaurants because I just am not a huge fan of steak but I also know that restaurants make amazing steaks sometimes and this was very good...minus the artery in it...really grossed me out. didn't eat much after that.
Okay, now with my spare time, I will be around more.

Let me know, do I still have time to grow?

Finally, a spare minute to update. So excited that school is over and I will have nothing but spare time to update. :) Well I guess there's work, and the fact that I am still taking two classes. And not that i'm not in school, I have so much to catch up on...old friends, old hobbies. Reading books, writing things down, sleeping, etc.
It's the best feeling in the world.
Things in my life...wow, they've been up down around a little crazy lately. i won't get into the main crazy up down and around thing though. That's a private situation, not to be posted on the internet.
My cousin Robin and I have been hanging out here and there. I love her to death and this is the first time I have really hung out with a cousin. She's amazing, funny, beautiful...easy to talk to, easy to hang out with and it's not awkward, even though i haven't seen her in such a long time! And I got the most beautiful ring from her today.
I get to go and see Cassie tomorrow. Souris for the weekend. I am so excited! I got that baby some sweet gifts and I got her some pretty awesome soap that my cousin made. I was going to buy her an American Apparel hoody but they are like 50$ which I mean I can afford but it's a lot of money. I think I may go get her one tomorrow. Possibly a nice bright yellow one. I think she would love it. And the mommy deserves something too. The baby cant get all the gifts. And then we are going to a potluck. I promise to take lots of pictures from my weekend so that I can show everyone them when I get home via this blog.
Okay update complete. i will post more on this when i get home from the weekend

Miikka Leahm Spence....welcome!

My cousin had her baby!!! An adorable little boy. Congratulations Des!

bits and pieces

Things have been good and i just haven't had the desire to sit down and write on this blog. I have been good, things around me = not so good. But we won't dwell on that.

I am done classes now, which is awesome except I could not focus for the life of me on my last two exams. One i think I did pretty good on and the other not so much. The night before I went for dinner with Steph and then she hung out for awhile and it was really great to see her. It's nice to catch up when you don't see or talk to somebody regularly.



Katie and I have talked about moving out. It's hard living with 2 guys. Harder than I thought it would be. I guess one being an ex also sucks. It's just seemingly impossible to find a place. Let me tell you, although we have a lead on one on stradbrook that would be sweet, it's a 2 bedroom so Katie and I would not have to share a room :) As much as I love her, having our own space would be so so awesome.

My birthday is a month from now, and I'm getting pretty excited for it. I sort of figured out what I'm going to do but that might cost a bit too much money so we will have to figure something out because I'm not exactly made out of money. Shocking, i know. Especially if we move out, I think that our rent would be jumping considerably and that would really suck..but maybe a price that must be paid. I don't know why but whatev. At least then we would have a good solid internet connection...and we could get TV and it could be in our living room....awesome

Katie got me an awesome owl bag for my birthday. I love owls :) and was super super stoked about it. and she got me the Kina Grannis CD's which I also love love so much. Listening to them right now actually.

We are going to Souris in a week and a half and i'm so excited to see Cassie! It's going to be so much fun. She's due 10 days after that, and Katie and I got her some pretty awesome presents. Well I think we should find more but until then, the ones that we got her are pretty sweet. That baby is going to be decked out in the coolest stuff.

Song of the Month

I absolutely love this song. I listen to it pretty much non-stop and I also really enjoy this video and I thought that I would share it with you

thoughts

I should really start writing these daily..or every other day, ya that would be really nice. But also not going to happen. Well i could try, but I'm not promising anything that's for sure.

Last night I went for sushi and then proceeded to drink large quantities of some delicious red wine. Which was awesome, except for the blue lips, tongue and teeth. Or rather black lips, tongue and teeth. That totally sucked. At least it's not permanent. Too bad I didn't take any pictures, that would have been fantastic.

Tonight's Amanda's Birthday and we are going to the Billabong. Very exciting, I hope that it will be fun even though I feel completely exhausted right now. And I'm not totally sure what the plan is except for dinner and then going back to my place for drinks. and then maybe dancing...ya that would be fun, hopefully I can make it through. Feeling slightly hung over right now. need a cure for those. Someone should get on that. I've already polished off a bottle of water and a large coffee....man this has got to feel better soon.

I'll take pictures tonight and then have some to put up :) That will be sweet. Although I still don't know what I'm going to work but not really freaking out. As long as I put some make up on I should be a-ok.

Did I wake up beside you?

Man, I really do a more light hearted post, something not so serious, something more chilled out…cause that’s what I am trying to be, a little more chilled out. But I just watched Denny die on the second season of Grey’s and it put me in one of those moods. (I get really attached to characters on TV shows, it’s kind of pathetic)
I think that I want to get my nose pierced again. I miss it, but there was a reason that I took it out and that was because it was constantly falling out, so maybe it’s just better to save the 60$ and not go through the pain. And the cleaning…I hate cleaning piercings and tattoos…really grosses me out.

There’s been erally nothing new lately. It’s the same thing every day and it’s starting to get really boring. I go to school, I go to work, I go to work to do homework, and I rinse and I repeat it all again the next day. And I’m getting really tired of it. But, I don’t know how to change it. I feel like I need a good change though, or something really good to happen, I don’t know. Life keeps kicking me and I just feel bland and bored.

I also really need to start going to the gym. ASAP. I want to get in shape again, or just in shape. And I keep making excuses and they’re lame and I should stop but it’s just so easy to make the excuses every day, repeatedly. Maybe I will make it my New Years Resolution. Although I hate those and I don’t really make them because they never stay true and then you are ultimately led to disappointment. Happens every time, never fails.

I should post the location of this blog, then maybe more people would read and comment, that would be quite fantastic, but I’m also scared to let people in because I generally post things that maybe I am not quite comfortable saying aloud and telling lots of people would lead to people reading it and knowing more about me then I want to reveal.

I get to go and see a good friend of mine in December and I am very excited. I haven’t seen her since September and man do I ever miss her. She’s excited about life all the time, she gives mostly rational advice and she’s a phenomenal listener and I got a whole lot of new things to tell her. And I have things to give her…presents!!! One which I created which is even more awesome cause that takes time, but she deserves it and she will love it.

Katie and I had a pretty long talk the other night and it was really good. She, wow, she’s a good listener and a good talker. It’s weird because we do live together and are pretty much constantly talking but not talking about all sorts of things and just letting it out and sometimes it’s good to do that, and I wished that we took more time to do that every now and then because it felt really good to just get it off my chest and let someone know how I feel and hear how she feels and she’s a good person a really good friend, to all of her friends. I admire that about her.

This post is scattered I know, I am just writing as things come to my mind and lately my mind has been going a mile a minute and really does feel this scattered so getting it written down is really hard, especially so that it has flow, but I’m sure this doesn’t really have much flow, I just am thinking and writing….even my grammer sucks.

The Goldfish Song - Kina Grannis Original

I highly recommend you listen to this fine fine performer. I have recently found her through youtube and i have her blog linked on my sidebar. I absolutely love her music, both her originals and her covers.

I'm too proud to beg for your attention and your friendship and your time

Life has been interesting lately. Super busy with school work and work work and life and it's all getting a bit overwhelming and I am anxiously waiting until November is over and December settles in and exams are over and I get finally get into the christmas spirit.
Anatomy has been absolutely killing me lately and now that it's over I feel a whole lot better but still tense because I haven't gone and checked my marks lately. My lecture exam was on Saturday which felt so good to finally get done and over with.
Later on Saturday evening Amanda and I went for a delicious spicy noodle house dinner and then we went to the corn maze. It was a lot of fun, but we did really struggle to get lost in it and went through it three separate times.
We got there, paid and set off towards the entrance where we encountered this absolutely beautiful machine shed filled with pumpkins. Too bad that it was the day after halloween and we couldn't find any pumpkins when we wanted to buy them to carve into beautiful art.

After fully enjoying the beautiful pumpkin room we headed on towards the entrance where we stumbled upon this..



which in turn caused this beautiful catasrophe
I took a ton of photos and videos..I dont' know how to load the videos and I don't want to spend all my time here loading the ]photos
Here is one last one of Amanda and I..


That's it, that's all for now

Ahh..back to something more simple

So happy to be back doing this on blogspot. At least I understand this website and don't have problems figuring out how to customize my blog and add different things. I just could not figure it on on wordpress for the life of me, nor did I have time to diddle around on it a whole lot. I hope people still read and comment on this one. It would make me very happy :) Not that I had a whole lot of comments on the other one.

I was at home the other weekend and we had a small photoshoot. It was pretty fun and we wound up getting some good ones.

This one is a little friend I made, he was the only one that sat for long enough to take a photo of.

This is a my family..my mom and my sister, who I don't get to see enough now but we always have fun when we do see each other.


Amanda, Becky and I went to see Feist the other day and she was absolutely fantastic. I would go a million more times and it was very easily worth the 60$ that the ticket cost. Fantastic voice and a really good show.


Well, this was a mighty fine way to procastinate I must say, but I got a hell of a lot of muscles and their insertions and origins to learn about by 8:30 tomorrow morning.

Crowd surf off a cliff

Sometimes I sit down on my computer and I go to start writing a blog and I just get lost. So I write about whatever comes to mind and it’s usually not very deep or anything and maybe I am scared to write something that I wouldn’t let people know normally when just talking to them, but I started this blog for myself. I started it so that I could write things out and clear my head and process things by writing them out, which is what I used to do in a journal before I got to lazy to keep one.

Today I went to see someone to get some advice on whether or not to stay in school and career stuff and she said some things that are absolutely true but they are just things that I’m not ready to admit I don’t think and it was really hard to hear someone say these things about me and for me to start thinking about them but I definitely think that it was necessary.

I think that I need to go see a counsellor and figure some stuff out, clear my head before I can make any decision as to what direction I need to be taking in my life. I don’t really ever sit and think about things that have happened in my life and how it’s maybe formed who I am but it has, as much as I try and pretend that my past hasn’t helped shape the person that I am today, I know that I am lying.

I never think that my parents getting a divorce when I was in grade 3 affected me but it really did. That was a huge life changing moment and it changed the way that I felt about both of my parents and that was the beginning of one of the most screwed up relationships of my life. Even before my parents got a divorce my dad was never around because he was a truck driver so he was usually gone, and then when they split up I very rarely saw him because he no longer had a reason to come home because his kids weren’t waiting there anymore to see him. And this just continued he would say he was coming to pick us up and then just not show up and me being the older sister would always be there for Dariane. I would always tell her that it was okay and that he would show up or tell her that he just got caught up in something and was probably too busy to come and see us. This really hurt when I was younger and I’m sort of at a point in my life where I have just given up with him. I feel like I have been so forgiving to someone who has never realized that he has done anything wrong. And since I have told him that I have given up I don’t know how I feel, I feel scared that my relationship with my father is potentially over for the rest of my life, I feel relieved because it’s a huge stress that has been removed from my life but then what about the added stress of the fact that I probably hurt someone so bad.

Ever since I was in grade 3 there was a great deal of responsibility put onto me. I remember many days where I got my little sister up in the morning and got us ready for school and would come home with her to an empty house and start making dinner for everyone before my mom got home from work. I always enjoyed doing this but now to think back on it, that’s not a normal childhood at all. That’s not having carefree days and laughs and spending afternoons jumping on the trampoline with friends. I’m not saying that i never did those things because I definitely did and I don’t think my childhood was in any way bad at all, it was just different. There was a family to help out and a sister to take care of and I did my best for being in middle/elementary school.

And there are so many ways I have changed and it’s hard to look back on things that have changed, and wondered about the way that things could have gone if it was different.

This was all sort of a ramble but really nice to get off my chest. I think that I will try this a little more often. Definitely helpful.

Forget your name, forget your fear

Today, I woke up and went to school for my 8:30 lab, and now I am back home and contemplating how to spend my day. We need Halloween decorations so Katie and I may take a trek to dollarama and pick some up, I also want a costume, although Katie was kind enough to point out that I don’t need one anyways because I can’t go out on the 31st because my hardest exam is the day after, on a lovely saturday morning I get to write my anatomy exam! Woohoo. So, I guess I will save the money and not go out. I got my sister her birthday present way in advance :) I was thinking ahead for once in my life, she will love it. And I think that she will get it early cause I doubt that I will see her near her birthday.

I wanted to have a lay around and watch movies all day kind of day because this morning when I stepped out the door and onto the bus I was so cold..it was cloudy and rainy and all around not a very nice day. But now as I look out the Kitchen window it appears to be sunny, not too sure what happened there but it’s awesome anyways. The forecast is rain rain rain for the next few days. That’s lovely, I’m going to be alone all weekend so there’s nothing like some spare time and a rainy window to really make one ponder everything that’s going on in her life. Well that’s what it takes for me anyways.

I was reminded by someone the other day that I have people that care and love me and only want the best for me. Sometimes it really does a person good to be reminded of this. It sure certainly helped me that day. And still continues to help me out. Thank you will.

I picked up a few feist tickets the other day for Amanda, Rod and I. It’s on the 20th, I am really really excited to go and see her. I wish it was at a smaller venue but guess you can’t win at everything, it’s just awesome that I actually get to see her.

That’s it, that’s all.

Do you prefer hot or cold sandwiches?
I definitely would have to say both!!! Some are better hot, some are way better cold..vegetarian sandwich from stellas…cream cheese, hummus, lettuce, and cucumber (tomato if you enjoy) so so good.

What is your high score in bowling?
oh the shame. i don’t actually know, but i guarantee it’s lower than you’ve ever done.

Would you like to travel in outer space?
Yes, I think that it would be amazing. But I wouldn’t want to go if it meant I could never come back…cause I would miss everyone I love

What was the last movie you saw in theaters?
Burn After Reading…it was phenomenal…very very very good…and funny

So what’s new with your iTunes….

What is your total number of songs, length of time, and memory used?
659 songs, 1.8 days, 2.98…and i just deleted a whole bunch

What are your top 3 most played songs?
1. Upward over the Mountain - Iron and Wine

2. Far, Far - Yael Naim

3. Not for Sale - Coco Rosie

What is the longest song in your library?
Njosnavelin (Nothing Song) - Sigur Ros

How many songs contain the word “love” in their title?
38
How many songs contain the word “heart” in their title?
12

I want to start fresh

Life has taken some pretty decent turns in the last week. I feel happy, and i feel content, and I feel like things may be changing for the better.

My mom came out on Saturday and it was really nice to talk to her and figure things out and be able to get everything off my chest with absolutely no judgement and to know that she would tell me exactly what she thought, not what she thinks that I want to hear. Although it’s not only my mom that does this, I have made some really amazing friends that will tell me exactly what they think even though it’s not what I want to hear all the time.

So we talked, and i got everything off my chest. I need to take a break from school, i need to do a few things that I love to do and just take some time to myself, not be in school and just enjoy the simpler (and cheaper) things.

Katie and I recently discovered the most amazing way to make facebook awesome. You can change the language to English (pirate) and everything is in the fantastic pirate language. Everyone should really do this because it will make you laugh (and not really know what you’re doing when you hit buttons)!

This week I fully intend to accomplish the bare minimum. I have three days off (well the evenings) and I want to enjoy them. I have a bit of homework I should accomplish and that I will accomplish and other than that, I want to enjoy the absolutey beautiful fall days, I want to enjoy the people around me and the things that I have.

I get to go home in 2 weeks and spend time with my sister and Mike and my Mom and I am very excited about this because I haven’t seen my sister since my cousin’s weekend and I really miss her. We also don’t talk all that often because we both have school and are both really busy.

This is it, I have nothing deep and exciting for this blog, nothing but what I was thinking about and what I wanted to let everyone around me know. Wow, I can be a brutal writer sometimes. Catch you tomorrow after I have slept some and my mind is sharper!

Sipping some tea and procrastinating

I am doing exactly what that title of this post says. I am sitting in Second Cup waiting to go for lunch with Amanda, supposed to be studying my psychology, but this blog keeps calling me, begging me to post, so I am taking action and posting. Once this is done then I can really get at it, and start studying. On the plus side I am done one chapter and have started into the second, but this material is pretty dry and I’m so conflicted with what I want to be doing now that I don’t even know if I should stay in this class, or any class for that matter. And I recognize that that is crazy talk and that I won’t actually be dropping my classes because I need them and I paid for them but the thought has crossed my mind.

I am going into an advanced psychology major yet I got a 64% on my first psyc test. This one hit me hard because I felt like I really knew the material…certainly didn’t think that I would get a 64 that’s for sure. So that’s when the questions start to come to me. Is this what I want to be doing because 64% is pretty shitty, and then I go back over everything that I”ve wanted to do in the past and how many times I have changed my mind and I start to think about doing all those things again. Maybe I should just get my three year degree and a counselling certificate and then work in a crisis center, or a shelter or something relating to that. I just feel so so conflicted and stressed about it and confused and blah…i guess everything will evenutally sort itself out and then all will be well. Italways works out, although I am hoping to travel next year and not have any of this dilly dallying to worry about and I can just get some real life experience.

….Hours of procastination, 1 cup of tea, a delicious spinach salad and vegetarian sandwich, and a new pair of boots later…

We talked..Amanda and I went to Stellas and had a really good honest conversation that left me more knowledgeable but still confused about where i stand in my life, where i want to be, and what direction I see my life going. But I have come to realize that I am only 20 years old and it’s okay to not know what I want or who I am really. Sometimes I can be insane, and I recognize that I can be a total control freak, I like things orderly and done and generally within my control and this can sometimes be a pretty bad thing. I wish I was a more laid back person and a person who let things slide more easily and also someonewho didn’t let small things bother me. Or I wish that I wasn’t someone that always assumed the worst. I guess there are a lot of things about myself that I don’t like and I would like to change and things that I have tried to change, but I just don’t know how to do that. It’s hard to say you don’t like something about yourself and then totally change your personality. If anyone has any advice on this one I would totally be game to here that.

Charlie at my feet...everything's good

You know when you meet some people and they have this ability to make you think about what’s going on in your life, where you’re at, why you’re doing what you’re doing and so on. Well recently I have become friends with someone who is just like that. Someone who will probe me with these intense questions and really listen for an answer and can totally tell if I’m making up a bunch of bull shit.

I’m very comfortable admitting that I don’t have a lot of friends who I am extremely close to. There are a handful of people who I feel comfortable sharing everything with. People that I don’t feel like I have to edit or hold back anything that I am thinking. A small handful of people…a handful as if I was missing a couple of fingers. I have met some of these people recently, well within the last 6 months and they have opened my eyes to many things.

My life right now feels good. Sometimes, especially lately I have had some really difficult moments. But i feel good, and I’m trying to focus on the positive. I am surrounded by nothing but amazing people, people who are care about each other and people that I care about and they care about me. And I want to look at things positively. I know that I’m the kind of person who is easily brought down by things that they think about. I’m a lot better than I used to be, I used to watch something or listen to a song and start thinking about my life or about other things and then I would get into a funk for days and that’s not a good way to be. I want to be the kind of person with an optimistic outlook on things and not someone who can be brought down so easily. It takes work but I think that I can do it.

It’s sometimes shocking to think about how much people change as they grow up. The other day I was talking to Katie about scents and songs and how something can remind you so much of things from your childhood. Everytime I smell something that smells like blueberries, in particular I think about my friend Janelle and standing beside her in grade 5 or 6 assembly singing O’ Canada when she would use her blueberry lipsmackers. When you are reminded of things in your past and you start to think about different things that happened it’s amazing how you can see what formed you, why you have some of the attitudes that you do and why you think the way that you do. It’s just shocking when you take a second and really think about it.

I know this is random and not very well spoken but I’m not a good writer and anyone that knows me know my head is in a million different places at once all the time. Next time I’ll try and post something that’s a little more put together.

Ahh...sleep

This blog will be a bit of random everything because that’s kind of how I am feeling today but blogging because I made a promise to myself that I would, as well as Amanda because she promised that she would read if I blogged so I will let you all in on my random thoughts cause you know they are pretty exciting and it’s probably the best way to avoid studying which I desperately need to do.
So..I finally did it. I got my first tattoo. It took 3 hours and I absolutely love it, well as much as I have seen of it. It was covered last night and then finally got to take off the bandage today but haven’t had a chance to look at it yet. I know that I will love it. It was however, the most painful experience I have ever volunteered and paid for but that’s not to say much cause I have never paid to be in pain before. But it was bad, Katie came with me and got to watch the faces that I made. The tattoo is a tree on my back and I will put up a picture as soon as it’s nicer than now because it’s all oozy and gross.
I am sitting in the entrance to the library at the university because there is never anywhere to sit!!!! And watching people which I do so well and all the time because people really fascinate me. What fascinates me most for example, is that girls dress to the nines to come to class – fancy bar shirt, TONS of makeup, heels but they can’t walk in them!! I think it’s hilarious to watch people stumble around on their heels because I just don’t get why they bother to wear them if they can’t walk in them, isn’t the whole reason that they are wearing them in the first place is so they can be more “sexy”

Okay…i wrote that a day or two ago, now I shall add and just keep adding until it’s quality, or I could do several and then maybe you would actually want to read it daily cause I would be constantly updating. Hmm that’s maybe a good idea.

I’m going to do that…post more later :)

I'm Really Trying

I’m trying, I promise that I am. Writing blogs is a lot harder than I could have imagined. Actually doing it, sitting down and writing one takes time and effort. Both of which I feel that I currently lack.

I feel like I am always working and I mean I am, between both jobs, school, and trying to keep my GPA up and also make it better it’s getting intense…and very very busy. The thought has crossed my mind to maybe quit one of the jobs but I don’t know, I want money…I think that I am way too motivated by money, but I want to travel, I want to explore, I want to get out of Winnipeg and out of Canada for a little while. I know full well that I want to live in Canada for the rest of my life, but I also know that I really need to see some of the world.

Today I was reading my friend Amanda’s blog who has done so much in her life. She’s gone to so many places - overseas and she’s also lived in Seattle for a few years. I would love to do this, I would love to go places to live somewhere else. Just to experience something different than what is here.

Life feels like it’s changed, like things have really really changed and I’m excited, I’m nervous, I feel ready but yet so intimated. Katie and I have plans to go to New Zealand or Ireland next fall and it’s extremely exciting. I can’t imagine what things will be like when we actually start finalizing the plans and figuring things out and actually getting ready to go. It’s crazy and it’s amazing and it will feel absolutely so right, i know that it will. But I also know that I will miss my friends, more than I can imagine.

The last little while, I feel like my relationships with my female friends has grown intensly. I have gone out with them a lot more and opened up to them more and depended on them more for support and every single one of them is amazing. I don’t and I never have had close female friends, really close female friends.

Third Times the Charm

This is my third attempt. My third attempt at starting a post for this blog, because i always seem to get sidetracked and find much more exciting (not really) things to do.

I want to add pictures, I want to add this really cute video that I took of my cat the other night but I have no idea how to do any of that....hmm maybe I will experiment and once again put it off. Okay I got it figured out, but due to our slow slow internet connection this is not going to work right now. I will get them up soon.

In the mean time, I will add things on the side, like things about me - favorite song right now...movie's and all that jazz.

I inspired someone to start a blog just by all my talk because I sure don't have a blog going on yet..until now I guess. I'm going to experiment and add things on the side. I promise soon I will post something of quality. You will just need to wait.

Next Chapter

So, I admit that I am terrible at keeping up to date with us, and I am not going to continue leaving you (no idea who reads this) empty promises on whether or not I am going to update once a week or a few times a week or whatever but rather I will continue to update it as I think of it.
On Thursday, I go back to school for my third year. Third year and well on my way to a psyc degree. It's pretty nerve racking. I am going to be taking some pretty hard classes this year with full intention of raising my grade to well above or close to an A or a B+ so I really need to be on the ball. Luckily I have a bunch of people who are taking the same anatomy class as I am and want to study together and someone who claims he is an expert and will help me out as much as I need him to.
We moved into a new place and Katie and I are sharing a room. It's pretty much the most adult room I have ever been in regardless of the fact that I am sharing it with someone.
This is sort of a photo of like half our bedroom, you can see our nice photo wall and not a whole lot more than that.


I'm going to get back to focusing on all the stuff that I need to get done before I go home. I will try to post soon, and maybe include some more photos, now that I got a new camera I can take plenty of them.
I will leave you two more of my most amazing kitty....one cuddling with Katie's puppy stuffed animal and the other lying proudly under the cuban flag.

Soccer Night

Last night, we had some friends over and had a bbq and played some soccer. It was a pretty good night, I must say. I finally got around to taking a few photos which I wish that I did more often I just have a really really shitty camera that makes me not want to cause it takes about 30 seconds for it to actually take a picture and it gets pretty awkward standing there and making somebody pose for 30 seconds before the photo actually works. And I'm not exaggerating with the 30 seconds, sometimes it takes even longer.
This first one is pretty much my favorite. They all decided that it was necessary to be wearing wife beaters and be on a team while not wearing any deoderent so that they all pretty much smelled as awful as they possibly could have.

Besides this being blurry, I think that it's a pretty fantastic photo of Will. It pretty much sums up what he wishes he could spend his entire life like I think.

This photo summed up Ashley and Andy's relationship pretty well last night. Although it is one of my favorite pictures of those two that I have ever seen.

Ashley and I don't have a lot of pictures of us two together but I kind of like this one minus the creepy look that she thinks she has in it.


That's all I just felt like putting a bunch of pictures on here because I don't think that I have a lot to write about today but I want to start making more of an effort to post on here close to every day.

Flaws

I always get the urge to write something really meaningful on this blog, something that will make a difference in somebody's life and something that has meaning, but everytime I begin to write, i just feel like I can't. Like what I have to say shouldn't be put on the net for everyone to read but by not writing what I am really thinking, there is no way for me to make a difference in anyone's life.
So for this blog, i think that I am going to write about a few changes that I feel that I need to make in my life. That way I have something that will keep me accountable and maybe I will actually make some changes.
The first and main thing is the fact that I need to let people in, when i need help with something I need to tell them and if I tell them that I don't need help not get mad when they don't help me. I also need to relax, not feel that everything needs to be so clean all the time and so rushed, but rather just to have a good time. Enjoy what's going on around me. I think that this is something that is very important for me to do because I don't do it right now. I mean, I enjoy myself and most of the stuff that goes on, but if the dishes aren't done and they are piling up or if thigns are somewhat out of place I get frustrated and i feel that it needs to be done asap and it really doesn't need to be like this. I can relax have a good time and not be so high strung. It's a major flaw of mine and i really don't like that I am like that but it's also sort of a difficult thing to change.
However, even though these two things make up a small part of my personality and I do realize that one's personality is very difficult to change it's soemthing that I feel I must do and I must work hard at it. That's the heartfelt bit of this post

Today Andy and Ashley are coming over for a bbq. I'm pretty stoked it should be pretty delicious. My sister came over and stayed last night. We went to the tavern for drinks and then came here and went to bed. It was pretty laid back but for some odd reason I find it difficult to stay up late, i get so tired so quickly and i don't know why, i just always feel tired.
I wrote myself up a pretty extensive workout/diet plan so I am really hoping that I will be able to stick to it and actually lose some serious weight and keep it off. My goal is to be 130 by october. This isn't that unreasonable. That would be losing 30 pounds in 5 months. I just have to keep up going to Shapes and eating healthier. My biggest problem is snacking as I do it way way too often and this results in a lot of extra calories. I also don't drink enough water which is something that is very very important and paid a large part in me losing 10 pounds in a month.
Okay this is good so far, I am keeping up on posting...2 in 3 days!! Even though I am pretty sure no body reads this. I should maybe think about giving the blog address out...

3 Years!!

On the first of June, Will and I have dated for 3 years. It was a pretty awesome day, we just hung out and went for a bike ride to the Assiniboine Park, it was really great. Wellington is closed on Sundays for bicycle/pedestrian traffic so it was really nice to be able to bike on there and not worry about traffic speeding around.
After we were done at the park we biked to osborne and went and had some supper at the Billabong. It was pretty good, I tried alligators for the first time and it wasn't too bad.





I am deleting my facebook account. Not because anyone is forcing me too and I didn't read the privacy declaration so I still don't really understand the whole hype behind all of that. But rather because I am sick of spending so much time on my computer searching through people's stuff and checking for any new updated statuses or new pictures. I always feel like a weird sort of stalker, even though it's all people I know.
Katie came back from New Zealand and I got to talk to her for a while yesterday. It was awesome! You don't realize how much you miss someone and how much they mean to you until they are gone. I felt like I had so much to catch up on, but really there is only so much you say on the phone. I am looking forward to when she will finally make it into the city and we can hang out. Or next year when we live together and we will be able to see each other more often.


Stephanie is officially moved out as of halfway through the month of may (I'm a little behind in blogging) and Alex and Will are moved in. I enjoy living with them. Will and I moved a whole bunch of his stuff last weekend in the rain on a shopping cart from his place over to here and it was really hard and draining and I was exhausted after it was over. But it's nice that everything is over here and we are getting pretty settled.
Well that's all, i will definitely try and put in more of an effort to blog and actually start telling people where I have this blog so that they can start reading and I can start getting some comments.

Photo Shoot

I recently got some picture done with some women in Altona and they did such a good job! I was so nervous when I first went in there but they made me feel so comfortable and they took lots of picture so I had a great selection. Here are a few of my favorites.

Environmentally Friendly

The Earth's capacity is currently running at 150%. There is only so much that the Earth's environment can handle before it will collapse. Here are some things that you can do to help. Just simple things that everyone could very easily do to reduce their ecological footprint.

1. Buy Locally grown food.

2. Buy organic and fair trade products

3. Support companies who make a commitment to the environment through grants, donations, or companies who are members of organizations such as 1% for the Planet. Want to look for some companies that are environmentally friendly? Try this website: www.coopamerica.org/pubs/greenpages

4. Use rechargeable batteries.

5. 5. Drive less and walk or ride a bicycle more.

6. When you buy wood products (such as pencils) look for a label that says "not made from rain forest wood."

7. Recycle. This may seem obvious, but it's astonishing how many things can be recycled, even in smaller communities: aluminum and steel cans, plastic bottles, plastic bags, cardboard (shipping boxes, cereal boxes, paper towel rolls), paper (including computer paper and junk mail), magazines, phonebooks, newspapers, and even Christmas trees, car parts (motor oil, tires, etc.) and electronic equipment, such as computers or televisions.

8. Reuse. Take your own grocery bags (try www.ecobags.com for recycled and organic cotton shopping bags that are made using fair trade practices!). Reuse shipping boxes.

9. Drive more efficiently:

"While each vehicle reaches its optimal fuel economy at a different speed (or range of speeds), gas mileage usually decreases rapidly at speeds above 60 mph.

10. Start a compost pile, even if you don't garden. Most communities have a local compost stockpile and you can help save landfill space by composting fruits, vegetables, and other organic matter. For more information about composting, visit www.compostguide.com.

Finally

I haven't updated this in an extremely long time, and the main reason is that school and work totally overtook my life this year and I honestly felt like I had no time to add to this. But as of April 11th, Will's birthday, I am done my second year of university, and that much closer to being done.
I haven't done anything exciting all year besides study so I don't have a whole lot to add to this. I have been on a major house hunt with a few people trying to find a place where we can spend our summer and next year but unless you've done it you wouldn't know how hard it is to find a place in the city. So many times, all it is is a scam. Someone from Africa wanting you to send you the money and then he will send the keys. I even got one yesterday from someone wanting me to learn about their religion. They sent a pretty long email with the majority of it talking about their religion. Quite strange.
So life has been kind of happening around me and the camera hasn't been out much unfortunately, i hope to change that, now that my mom was kind enough to purchase a pack of three memory cards and give me one. Now that it can hold more than 2 pictures at a time, it's actually worth bringing out.
Here is a photo of Ashley and I from Andy's birthday, which was a total turn around from last year. We just hung out at his place and drank wine/beer (they drank beer, i drank wine)



I have been having quite the inner debate about going travelling next year or staying in school. I am taking a summer class right now and once it's complete, I will have finished 60 credit hours. So now, I don't know whether I should continue going to school and do one more year in which i will have a degree and can probably do a lot more when I travel, or should I take a year off and enjoy myself? I dont' know!!! i just wish someone had an answer for me.
I should get off my ass and do some pilates now. I'm going for dinner and drinks with a friend I haven't seen in a long long time and quite excited about it!